


No Prescription Necessary

by IdlePace



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, M/M, Needles, Sexual Content, Smoking, Violence, use of strong language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 16:25:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2198700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdlePace/pseuds/IdlePace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is never easy. Some fall into shadowy worlds they can't comprehend and before long, are trapped with their choices. Rythian never knew what he wanted in life, but he knows for certain he didn't want it to be anything like it is now. With a more than friendly cop injecting himself into his life, Rythian has to bear the permanent side effects.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stick Me, Sweeten Me, Just Don't Leave Me

“The air in this room is just so nice! Can we bottle it up and just keep it as a pet forever?” The sunken sofa clung to the lax body, using gravity to its advantage to keep it supported in the deflated cushions, “Are you writing this down Rythian? I’ll need to remember to bring glass bottles next time, unless you have some hidden away…”

A single tuff of couch fiber stuck dangerously close to Lalna’s large curious eyes as his pupils mapped the stucco in the ceiling. His arms sat loosely around his torso, one hand gently dancing its fingers on the bare skin above his heart, the other lazily shifting along his stomach. “I swear the air in here is fresher than outside! How do you do it?” His mouth gapped open as he gradually eased his chin in place. 

“Rythian,” The blonde whined sweetly, rolling his head around in the tall man’s lap, “Tell me your secrets…” The letters fizzled out between his teeth as saliva scattered lightly on his upper lip. His energy spiked, wedging his head awkwardly between the thighs he was using as a pillow.

“Knock it off Lalna.” Rythian’s grumble pursed his lips as his fingers pushed deeper into his cheek. He breathed out his exasperation through his nose before shifting his legs to push the man’s head back up.

Refusing to give up on his pestering the blonde moved a sluggish hand up above his own head to blindly grab at Rythian’s shirt. “Secrets…” His repetition was quitter but still threatening to be unrelenting.

With an unsettled sigh Rythian pulled the pressing hand away, “What do you want to know?” Though his voice was light and humouring his mouth remained stiff.

Lalna’s features instantly brightened as he let off a delayed laugh, “Tell me,” He struggled to turn his body around in the cushioned cradle he found himself in, “How you get your hair to be so perfect?” Again his hand was rejected from reaching any farther into Rythian’s space bubble colliding gently with a blocking forearm.

“It’s called washing it. You should try,” He cut his sentences short between his teeth feeling Lalna adjusting again. “Just find a comfortable position and stay there would you?” Lalna’s breath heated the skin under his shirt as his position was altered with a pivot of his body. The mischievous head inched closer to Rythian’s torso with the puffs of moist air growing in rate until they fully made contact with woven cotton shirt.

“Can you not..?” Rythian tried to avoid rubbing at his eyes as Lalna’s muffled laugh shook them both. He jostled his legs to deter Lalna but the movement only encouraged the blonde to force his face deeper into the stomach.

“You’re being a horrible pillow.” Lalna’s lips molded cumbersomely to spit out his comment as he refused to move. “And this is where you’re supposed to say that if I treat my pillows like this at home than those are some lucky pillows!”

“If I was your real pillow I would suffocate you in your sleep.” Rythian muttered without missing a beat as he grabbed at the disordered hair in his lap. Absentmindedly his fingers twirled around in the locks before give an impulsive tug. Lalna squealed, throwing his hands to his head but made no moves other than to hold the busy fingers.

Another yank of blonde hair prompted another pitiful whine, making the actions cycle. The next hair pull strained Lalna’s head backwards, the back of his skull meeting with the bottom of his neck, “Rythian!” He stressed his eyes driving his concentration entirely into his voice. As the grasp on him was released he took his opportunity to wriggle his body again, searching for a way to escape the claiming clutch of the sofa.

Ignoring the pain that shocked his head as his temple bashed into Rythian’s knee during the struggle, Lalna extended his arms fully to eject himself out of the cushion cocoon. His balance was lacking as he tried to bury his toes deep into the dense unyielding carpet, throwing his arms out as it felt like jelly had replaced his bones. Hips teetered too fast for the rest of his body to catch up, allowing gravity too much power.

Rythian cursed without holding back bark in his throat as an arm rammed with his chin. With great irritation behind his streaming grunts his fingers fit seamlessly against Lalna’s shoulders, pushing the man the right way up to face the cloying grin, “You’re so out of it…” Rythian’s eyes shot onwards as if he had the power to make the problem before him disappear.

He barely managed to stabilize his apathetic expression as Lalna’s legs peeled part to sit comfortably, he could internally feel himself flinch when knees slid down along his hips, slinking past with warm thighs taking their place. The squeeze they gave to cement their placement pinched an unexpected hiccup from Rythian’s chest. 

“You know what we should do,” Lalna didn’t care that his keen hands were ignored, loving how he was allowed to pet the dark styled hair, “We should have sex.” He giggled with a ring in his voice.

The groan Rythian rumbled out wasn’t an adequate enough answer, enticing the blonde to bounce to lure out a real reply, “Oh come on!” Lalna drew out every raise and crash, humming as he ground down lazily each time, “Pretty please?”

Rythian’s head smashed back against the headrest of the sofa, creasing his face as the muscles in his arms tightened, stiff out at his sides refusing to touch the man in his lap, “Fuck. Off.” He spat out from behind his clamped teeth.

“I promise I won’t bite this time!” Lalna’s chipper voice did not match his drained face, the top of his forehead shinning with the beginning of a gloss of sweat.

Snapping his will Rythian grabbed sternly at Lalna’s pale sides, “You need to stop!” He cursed himself as he held on tighter, confining the man to press compactly into him finding no other way to halt the actions, “I’m not your fucking wife.” He huffed out, swallowing with strain feeling slick mucus lingering in his mouth, “I’m your drug dealer.”

Tipping forward Lalna’s head clicked into place, his ear on Rythian’s shoulder and his lips limply gumming at the man’s neck. He listlessly nipped at the stringy tendons, taking more enjoyment than was intended from the hands that skimmed down to hook into his leather belt. Lalna could feel his warmed metal buckle dip into the crease in Rythian’s gawkily folded in gut that curved to try and pull away.

His hair slipped past his face, strands catching on his nose, “God Rythian,” He let his breath waft along the skin as he curled his arms around the retreating torso, “I wish you were my wife. I would treat you so right…” His whisper caught between his teeth and the lobe of Rythian’s ear as he stretched it slowly.

“Lalna, you’re too far gone. Just lay back down,” Rythian gently traced his hands around to the front of Lalna’s pressed pants to deliver an uncompromising push back, “Lay down and you’ll be fine.”

Accepting the deliberate shove, Lalna bowed his middle to keep his arms loosely around Rythian, “How can you resist a man in uniform?” He mock gasped, rocking from side to side deliberately compressing into the hostile lap.

“Probably because half of your uniform is on the other side of the room…” Rythian’s eyes searched the far wall, finding the powdered blue dress shirt and discarded gun hostler that Lalna always struggled to unclip, never getting it off quick enough for his liking. “I don’t even know where you put your badge this time…” He laboured to finish his train of thought without breathing too deeply, trying not to press any tighter to Lalna, feeling the current skin to skin contact already flicker his blood flow.

Proudly leaning back even further Lalna puffed his chest, shifting his complacent grin, “Maybe I should put you under arrest.” His hands missed his hips, falling flat to his sides instead, “Yeah… should arrest you for shooting me up.” Another laugh from Lalna and his hands were stripped from their lazy hanging to swim his fingers back in the soft hair.

“You pushed the needle into your own arm.” Rythian expected the annoyed sound to buzz from Lalna as he hated how he couldn’t argue with the facts, “And what would you say when you bring me to the station anyway? How would you tell them that you’re arresting your dealer for supplying you for… how long has it been now?” It was impossible not to show his top row of teeth as he trumped Lalna at his own game.

Allowing energy to drain away from his occupied hands Lalna grossly bit his lips, pulling them into his mouth and gently chewing at the flesh in deliberation. He walked his fingers in reverse down the sides of Rythian’s face to collect at the middle of his chin, “I’m sure there’s somewhere in the books that would allow me to arrest you for being so damn irresistible.”

With a tilt of his head Lalna’s over eagerness pushed forward too soon, bashing the bridge of his nose with Rythian’s forehead, “Fuck…” The dull sting shook his mind from its previous goal, “Are you resisting arrest?” He teased with a pathetic smile through his numbness.

Matching Lalna’s foul language Rythian had an undesired need whizz through him, cursing himself internally as he patched the situation, pulling Lalna’s head back down for a devouring kiss. Lalna was more than overzealous once he realized what was happening, pushing in closer and throwing his mouth open instantly to let Rythian fulfil his hunger.

Lalna played the moment into his longing for drama, pouring endless noises to vibrate through his cheeks or spewing sharp squeaks into Rythian’s mouth. He was more than happy to try and nip the shiver triggering tongue or to try and push even closer to suck at Rythian’s front teeth, stretching his lips further each time as Rythian’s tongue was stronger, blocking the desired path.

Surprised by the sudden separation Lalna remained stagnant while Rythian’s mouth moved on to his neck. His fingers stroked along the strong shoulders, content with how quicker than usual he was able get Rythian to give up his emotionally distant façade.

“And you say it’s just the drugs that keeps bringing me back.” He could feel Rythian try and growl out a comeback against his skin but dissolved it when Lalna sprung a shameless hump in his lap. “Maybe I should lock you up so I could have you all to myself.” Leaning forward not caring if he was crushing Rythian’s head against his chest, Lalna let his arm dangle on the headrest, “If I did… God that would be fun…” He buried his laugh in the back of Rythian’s head, glad that the man had resurfaced from his hazed state.

“That would almost sound romantic, maybe, if you were actually sober and knew what you were saying.” Rythian pulled the half-dressed man closer, feeling the sweat from under his arms stain his shirt. “Shit Lalna,” Drifting a clinical hand to inspect, Rythian pushed at the skin on the arms that looped around him, “We’re going to have to move to your feet soon or no one is going to believe your blood donating stories anymore. Your marks aren’t healing as quickly now…”

Brushing delicately along the crook of Lalna’s arm Rythian could almost feel every small scab where he had been pricked without the need of his eyes to tell him. With a sigh he gave up on counting and leaned his head on the spot he stopped on.

“You’re too good to me.” Lalna exhaled his words with no pronunciation. His lips moved before his mind registered what he wanted to do, kissing the outside of Rythian’s ear, feeling his breathing beginning to turn into needles inside his mouth. “Would you, still be nice to me,” He took in another unwanted gasp of air, “If I didn’t pay you?”

Closing his eyes as he felt Lalna try and hold back a cough Rythian was consciously reminded of his own breathing, “If you didn’t pay me for the drugs and to watch over you while you’re out in your stupor?” He chuckled quietly as he thought about it, “Probably not.”

Lalna tried to laugh with the man, “Yeah, who would willingly want to be with me?” He placed another dry kiss to the corner of Rythian’s chin, “Even the guy who I tampered evidence for to get him out of severing ten years in prison hates my guts.”

Scoffing lowly Rythian pushed into the slow scattering kisses, “It was only going to be six years. You always play it up…”

“I took a risk for you. I could have been fired and maybe even sent to jail…” Lalna suppressed another cough by pressing his lips to Rythian’s skin longer, “And yet I don’t even get a discount. I don’t even think I got a thank you out of you.”

Even though he knew Lalna couldn’t see him as he rolled his eyes Rythian did so out of instinct, “You burned a few incriminating papers from my case, it wasn’t mission impossible and you know I’m just dealing, I’m not cooking this shit up. I only charge what I’m told to so I can’t give anyone, not even you, discounts.”

Another catch of spit in his throat pushed Lalna to shake with a held cough, “But a-“ He was caught by surprise as his stomach lurched. “Oh God Rythian,” Sitting back up with a minor struggle Lalna felt it was harder for him take in air, “I don’t feel so well.”

Recognizing the sporadic twitches Rythian’s hands found the blonde’s back, “You’re okay Lalna. You’re just coming down.” He rubbed slowly up and down the sweat covered back trying to keep his motions slow even with the slick lubricant edging him to move faster. “Just let it happen.” 

“Rythian,” Lalna’s voice cracked, “I need-“

“No Lalna, you’re going to be fine.” Rythian snapped back with false aggression setting one busied hand into the blonde hair, “You don’t need anymore; you just need to let what you have out of your system.”

A quick sway forward before bring himself back up Lalna felt fire trickle under his skin, “No, no. No more, not now.” His breathing was stuttering, almost hurting him to take in full gulps of air, “I need you.”

Rythian didn’t mean for his sigh to be so loud, but didn’t hold back once it was released, “You’ll get over this soon. Then you need to go home.”

“I feel like shit,” Lalna dropped his head, visibly straining his shoulders to lift to help him breathe, “I’m so tired.”

There was no fight as Rythian pulled Lalna back down to his chest, “You can rest here Lalna. Go to sleep and when you wake up this will have passed.” He held tighter as Lalna let his coughs out into the air, pasting his arms around the shaking middle.

“I don’t want to go to sleep.” Lalna barely got out the sentence without pausing for the interruption of his trembling throat, “When I wake up, you’ll be gone.” His nose snorted loudly with his imperfect breathing. “I don’t want you to go.”

“You know I have to go.” Rythian’s voice tried to stay strict while he still comforted the man, “It’s only the drugs that you want…” He could feel the pained body squirm as it psychically protested, slowly losing its words, “You only come back for the drugs.” In the odd silence both wondered who he was trying to convince. 

Lalna fought to keep his eyes open as his body begged for time to recoup. “I come back for you…You have no idea how much I need you.” He savoured the quiet stale air, stealing it from the face in front of him, focusing his foggy vision on the clam eyes, “The drugs are just a bonus.”  



	2. Deny Your Cravings

Dull reflections splattered across the unkempt sidewalk, the past rainstorm still seeping into the pale ground. There was no shine in the dark puddles with the sun still undetectable from behind the ceiling of clouds, preserving the gloomy lighting as the day progressed. Feet still trampled through the watery surface, steadfast to their destination, bypassing the forgotten blots of the downtown core.

The seedy out reaches that stretched from the twisted allies to breathe their tempting whispers to the gullible kept their misty veil; the promises of normality to the questioning eyes and the promises of dreams to the fools who caught the sound.

Rythian never counted himself amongst enticing shady men who craved to bring in reoccurring customers, preying on the weak minded and dragging them down into a world they could never crawl back from. He categorized himself as a mark, a solitary man who fell into the unknown and took a moment to blend to survive. He couldn’t remember back to the times before his life was filled with walking the streets at night, even when he closed his eyes all he could see was the yellow street lamps and sly hands that traded cash for moments of escape.

Sliding his sight away from the ground at his feet, Rythian listlessly tried cracking his neck, almost dreading another day of having to be attentive, looking for practiced cues. Every part of his day had already been put into place, his supply secured and hidden, and the new words of the day memorized; all he had to do was walk. He always preferred the lighter system of working, no drugs in his pockets, no evidence upon search, and already planned piles of excuses for his soon to be wads of cash.

Taking a step away from the street as a neglectful car sped through the lake turned gutter Rythian took in a lungful of the damp air. In the back of his mind he prayed for the day to be slow and uneventful, a safe day where he could crash into his bed and forget about his sore feet.

“Can I see some ID?”

Tensing his face as the stern voice from behind him destroyed his hopes for an easy day, Rythian followed the rehearsed routine. Raising his hands slowly into the air to display he was not a threat he let his right hand drift into his back pocket, slipping out his slim wallet. He knew the less of a word exchange the better as he flicked out his driver’s license, gradually turning around to show it off.

The weight that dropped onto his chest shook his frame as his fingers tried to dig into the plastic card. The blonde hair that cut through the dismal day brought the capacity of more storm clouds rather than the cheery tones the colour seemed to have.

With a roll of his eyes as he tried to brush the situation off Rythian set his license back into his wallet and pocketed it again, not giving it a second thought as he continued down the street.

“Hey! Where are you going?” The voice scratched back into the air, the tones falling into a natural state.

Rythian refused to look back as he carelessly walked through the puddles, disregarding the state of his shoes.

“Declining questioning when already suspected of suspicious behaviour is a big mistake I hope you know!” Even as the voice spoke reason, the hidden laugh behind the words displayed the immaturity.

Halting as he lowered his shoulders Rythian tried to relax his body, readying himself for a potential headache. “What do you want Lalna?” The casual glance over his shoulder was forced as he watched the man jog up to him, finally catching up with his long strides.

Over dramatizing the exercise, Lalna placed a hand to his chest and gave a drawn out breath. The smile he had on his face was too much for Rythian to look directly at, “How you doing?”

With a harsh scoff Rythian crossed his arms and set his head forward, keeping his back to the man. “Piss off.”

With an unscathed laugh Lalna trailed around to stand in front of the tall man, “Aw, you’re not very friendly today.” He adjusted his hat, pushing the pointed brim higher on his forehead.

“Every day you’re around turns out to be shit.” Rythian practically spat out the side of his mouth as he thought back to past times.

Mocking the other using a shake of his head and a purse of his lips Lalna tapped on the badge above his left breast pocket, clearly loving the authoritative position he had. “ID if you would.”

Looking over the man Rythian had to hold back a cracked grin as the police uniform was close to being comical on the laid back blonde. He almost felt disgusted of himself as he could clearly picture it crumpled in numerous ways on his living room floor.

Repeating the motion he had done once before Rythian found his driver’s license, begrudgingly handing it over to Lalna, taking a moment to wonder why he was acting out such a procedure. A shudder ripped through him as he watched the man tilt his head slowly as he stared at the card, taking more time than was necessary to read the small blurbs on the license.

Shifting his stance Rythian lowered his eyebrows, “Are you done?” The gruff sound in his voice caught up with him as he was forced to clear his throat.

With a sluggish finger Lalna traced a circle around the small picture, “They never give enough detail in these do they?”

Puffing his lips Rythian snatched his card, stuffing it back where it belonged with is wallet, “What are you getting at?” He tried to ignore the lip bitten smile Lalna directed his way.

“Well they give you the height and things,” Adjusting his hat again Lalna took a quick glance at the once full rainclouds, “But nothing about your favourite colour or movie…”

Rythian Pulled his leather jacket down to hide the back pocket with his wallet in it and hardly held in a grumble, “What the fuck do you want Lalna?” As his eyes picked up a walking couple heading towards them down the street Rythian didn’t even think about his movements as he grabbed Lalna’s shoulder, pushing him to the side with him and out of the way of pedestrians. He froze his hand when he registered what he was doing, retracting it to his side and letting his back hit the wall of the bricked building behind them, playing off the moment like it never happened.

Allowing himself to be led to lean against the building with the man, Lalna tried to pick back up what he was previously saying; “Can’t we have a get to know each other conversation?” He let his head roll against the wall to stare up at the clouded sky, already feeling the growing bark Rythian readied.

“I think we know each other well enough,” The words left a strange taste in his mouth. “I know that you’re an asshole and that’s all I need to know.” Catching the zipper to his jacket between his fingers Rythian gave a gentle tug, allowing the material to part just enough for his hand to sneak in. His fingers fumbled with a minor twitch as they searched for the inside pocket.

Watching with no obvious other thought Lalna’s eyes stuck to the scene that seemed odd to the unknown onlooker; the leather material lifting away from Rythian’s chest in strange shifts from a bump underneath.

Rythian caught the dazed stare as he found the hidden pocket, jerking his shoulders away as he pulled out a loose cigarette. “Is this like some fucked up way of asking me out on a date?” He tried not to choke on the thought as he slipped the stick between his lips.

With a minor lift to his shoulders and a sigh Lalna watched as the other patted around his jeans, “I don’t know…” Puffing out a lifeless laugh Lalna leaned away from the wall, digging into his own pants pocket.

The small flame in front of his face came close to fazing the tall man, startled by the unpredicted action. Rythian’s eyes darted to the other, catching the tweak at the end of his lips as he gazed at his hand that gripped the lighter.

Raising an eyebrow but making no other change to show his suspicion Rythian leaned forward, cupping his hand around the flame to keep the air from jostling it around. He could almost feel his fingers grace the skin on Lalna’s hand before he straightened back against the wall, savouring the first puff he let loose. He watched as the smoke billowed away to add to the covering sky.

“You don’t smoke.” Holding the cigarette loosely between his fingers Rythian let a bud of ash fall to the ground. He could hear Lalna relax back on the building, spouting out a sharp chuckle.

“Yeah, I don’t.” Lalna tried to keep his sight from casting back to the other and strictly on the clouds but couldn’t help himself as he thirsted to see a reaction to his next words: “But you do.”

Opening up his mouth to comment Rythian merely let the smoke filter through him and wisp out his nose, “So what, you just carry that around for me or something?” The frank statement came out like sparks as such a thought ate at the back of his mind.

Both let the question dissipate into the air, letting it go unanswered as Rythian took another drag. The cars that still indifferently whizzed by, their bright lights reflecting into the muddied water, droned a low sound that fell into the background, almost going unnoticed as they seemed to endlessly pass by. Even as the afternoon still stood strong, the darkened skies tricked the light sensitive lamps, waking them up earlier than they should be.

The fingers that caught a lock of hair almost didn’t enter in Rythian’s mind as he was lost in the mix of smoke and clouds. When a nail gradually traced down his ear as the hair was tucked behind it Rythian felt the sensation like knives down a chalkboard.

He jolted out of the touch and held no power back as he whacked away the hand, cigarette still tight between his lips. “Fuck off!” The other man’s wide grin did nothing to calm his brewing anger, “No really, fuck off. You’re putting off my customers. Dealing doesn’t go down when a cop is around.” He inched his shoulders along the wall of the building to create more distance between them.

“Yeah, I know.” Lalna’s tone was light while his face remained composed, his hand showing no sign of pain as he dropped it back down.

Taking another lungful Rythian tapped his cigarette in the air with a snap of his fingers, “So what, are you trying to put me out of business then?” The chuckle from the man beside him psychically sickened him.

“It’s almost like you don’t want me here.” In a childish manner Lalna slid his body along the wall, pressing close to Rythian.

Hearing his jacket squeak as the contact found him Rythian flicked the bud of what was left of his cigarette out onto the street, “Good, glad you’re finally starting to understand that I actually _don’t_ want you here.” He stressed his sounds as he lifted away from the wall.

“You know,” Lifting his arms to the side in an open gesture Lalna shook his head, “You could learn some manners.”

With a scoff Rythian turned around to increase his position in the argument, “It’s not the law to be polite.” He scanned over the metallic badge with bitter eyes, quickly noticing the deflation in Lalna’s posture. He looked down the street to control the words that wanted to run off his tongue, trying to focus on something other than the man.

Rythian made out a bright white stain and bolded lettering that decorated a car. He cursed silently as he soon realized Lalna was on duty and had authority to cuff him if he took a swing. He knew the blonde never came to a situation unprepared but wished that one day he would forget to.

Centering his attention back to Lalna the posture he saw stirred dreaded memories, “Oh don’t you start,” He held himself back from pointing a finger in the man’s direction, “Don’t you dare fucking start boasting right now!”

Clicking his sight in place Lalna titled his head, boring his eyes at Rythian. “No, you know what? Fuck you!” His hands gripped into his belt as he held a strong stance, “You treat me like shit and I’m getting-“

“Oh Christ really?” Rythian rubbed at the bridge of his nose, “Can you just stop?” His groan was elongated with an angry breath.

“No,” Lalna pushed away from the wall with stressed muscles, meeting his intense stare with Rythian’s unamused eyes. “It’s wasn’t just the one case you dick.”

Rythian pulled his grimace to stretch the length of his face, disregarding his personal space as he apathetically let the man vent.

“There’s been countless times now where I fucking saved your ass and you don’t even know!” His strong palm pushed against Rythian’s chest but failed to move him, “When the department even gets the slightest whiff of your little drug circle I have to single handily steer them away. Not to mention destroy every sliver of evidence that could lead directly to you!” His hissed roar seared out from between his teeth as his breath poured out faster than his words.

“I never asked you for help! I can handle my life by myself!” Rythian let the power in his voice run ramped, “You’re more than welcome to piss off at any time!”

Lalna could practically feel the shouted air against his face, “I walk a thin line to keep you out of prison almost every single fucking day!” He growled back, hardly moving his mouth as he tried to keep his own volume low.

Without thinking, Rythian shoved Lalna away, the energy was almost enough to slam him into the wall, “No one asked you to take the risk! You’re just doing it for your own twisted reason!” Even as he regretted using force when Lalna was in uniform he threw away his precautions, feeling his actions were too far gone already.

Rushing back to stand tall Lalna flung his hands forward to grab at the collar of Rythian’s jacket, bending the material in his fists as he tightened his grip, “I could have easily let them have you, stood by and did nothing to stop it, but I saved your ass.” He barely controlled his chest as his breathing increased, his building frustration breaking his nerves.

Grabbing at Lalna’s wrists Rythian violently yanked them down and pushed them away, “Fuck, you!” He watched the man stumble for a second before catching his footing, “I don’t need your help with anything!” Jerking his face back Rythian crushed his lips together, brought his cheeks in and spat as accurately as he could, hitting Lalna above his eye.

Cursing harshly Lalna brought the back of his hand to wipe away the warm substance. His face tightened as he slathered it across his forehead, pushing more of it into his skin than taking it off. “Would it kill you,” He forced himself to breathe before looking back up, “To treat me like a real fucking person?” His entire body lifted as he spoke each word.

Swiping his hands down his jacket to fix the material Rythian sneered at the question, “I don’t think I can ever take a junkie seriously.”

With frantic twitches of his hands Lalna tried to hush the other, “I am not junkie.” He bit out, his eyes searching around for any potential nosey listeners.

Finally satisfied with his appearance Rythian threw his arms forward, weakly gesturing to the man. “I don’t know, the way you keep going you’ll be one fucking soon!” Moving from his stationary spot Rythian ran a quick hand through his hair with a huff. Taking a large stride from where he once he stood his eyes panicked for a brief moment, peeking down a nearby alleyway.

His sigh of relief was short lived as he could hear Lalna march back up to him. Rythian expected brute force or deafening words in his ear but did not foresee the perked breath, “Is that what this is? Are you worried about me?”

A gargled laugh shot out from Rythian’s throat, “Worried? Why should I be?” Again he ran his fingers through his hair, “Worried for a cop who keeps forcing himself into my life to satisfy his addiction to heroin?!” He let his words carry down the street, wanting others to hear.

Lalna latched an anxious hand to Rythian’s shoulder, digging a tight grip, “Shit Rythian!” He whipped his head from side to side before stepping backwards, taking Rythian into the alley with him. “Don’t just fucking shout things like that!” His rushed whisper brought the tendons in his neck to push harshly from beneath his skin.

Shaking off the hand Rythian threw his arms into the air, walking farther into the damp alley, “What do you care? I’m just some cheap and easy fucked up way for you to get your fix!” He took his rage out on an empty dumpster, feeling pleased as the dense metal rang out with just a swift kick from his boot.

“Rythian, shit no,” Lalna followed the man, trying to make eye contact with him, “You’re not that.” The grunt of disbelief didn’t discourage him like Rythian wanted it to. “Do you really think I would invest so much time and effort, just for me to have a way to get cheap drugs?” He threw a fist to his chest, edging to show the psychical sincerity along with his words.

Balling his hands Rythian lifted his shoulders, “So I’m a fucking investment now?!” Giving another punt to the nearby dumpster Rythian let out an infuriated sound.

Lalna knocked his hands on his head, “God you are so impossible sometimes!” He didn’t bother letting off his own angered noise as Rythian overpowered his voice with a heavier hit to the metal container.

“Just-” Rythian couldn’t finish his comeback as fingertips gripped desperately into his cheeks, pulling his face down and toward Lalna. Rythian’s head shook viciously as he tried to pull away, his eyes locked with Lalna’s, both their expressions mirroring back the same hardened face.

Slamming his hands to Lalna’s shoulders, Rythian strained to use the gained force to help him. A weak break in his voice crumbled out as he still couldn’t escape, the hold edging him closer to Lalna by the second. Rythian swore as he realized Lalna had brought out his academy trained strength, saving such an occupational ability for times when he truly wanted to overtake the man.

Huffing out an ongoing stream of profanity as he felt Lalna’s breath grow heavier on his face, Rythian glued his eyes shut, despising everything that was happening. His feet scrapped across the graveled ground, another sound Rythian took into his mind as he was led up to the obnoxious man.

He could feel lips bounce against his as he still aggressively trembled, pushing all his nerves to their limit to break away. His breathing broke out as his chest shook, lightheaded from his frantic shallow puffs. Rythian tucked his lips into his mouth in a desperate last chance to evade, letting his nose take over to continue his quick breathing.

The gentle, measured kiss that dragged on, disregarding time was dry against his pulled back lips. Soft contact pressed in again, injecting a small sound to bubble against the tanned skin. Rythian could feel the lack of circulation pain him as his teeth still clamped tightly, refusing to let go of his lips.

When a nip to an exposed sliver of his lip tugged at his skin Rythian exposed them, not getting even a second to breathe in a gasp of air before his mouth was covered. His numb lips were urged open so easily as his drained face released tension for a brief moment. Rythian’s eyelids struggled to lift through his stressed watery vision, catching only pale skin in his sights.

The tongue that invading him was more distressed than demanding, molding the inside of his mouth to expand more. Gathering a spot of strength Rythian inched enough to break his lips away, “Fuck you…” He mumbled with a tired breath. The hands on his face eased their grip, letting his skin buzz from the relief. 

“Fuck you.” Rythian repeated with more pronunciation even as his bottom lip was traced with a hot tongue. “Fu-” His sound squeaked as a body pressed against him, the hands sliding down to his neck. The knee that tried to poke between his legs was disregarded as a full kiss dispensed tightly to his lips.

Rythian tried to repeat the curse again but could only drone sounds into the other mouth, his own hands soon falling down to land on Lalna’s lower back. He could feel the man twitch suddenly when light touch swirled in circles, pushing at his tucked in shirt.

“Rythian,” Lalna tried to capture the other’s attention as they drifted apart. The body of the man in front of him heaved a deep sigh, staring only at the ground as his neck looked broken. “Rythian I-”

Lalna’s body wasn’t able to finish his sentence as his back slammed into the brick wall. He tried to cough but couldn’t as lips bashed into his, squirming to form a poorly planned physical latch. Lalna tried blinking his eyes to look at Rythian, but the face attacking him mashed into his skin.

Clamped hands attached to his head, wriggling fingers to grip tightly into the blonde hair, nudging the police cap gradually to tip over and hit the ground. Lalna wildly threw his arms around Rythian’s neck, looping his grip to push harder together.

Rythian pushed forward, sandwiching Lalna between him and the wall, taking pleasure as he heard Lalna gasp sharply as he moved to lessen the pressure.

Slowly losing more and more breath as Rythian continue to crush him, Lalna rubbed his pelvis along the other man, feeling the air against his face stutter as he tried to grind with frantic movements. The moan that reverberated into his mouth edged him to increase the friction, using his encircled arms to help him thrust forward with needy fidgety actions. His nails dug into the goose bumps along Rythian’s neck, feeling his own sprout across his skin and leave a warm enveloping wave in their wake.

Rythian’s hands pulled faster at Lalna’s hair, twirling it between his fingers and leaning his body more into the jolting. His mouth still ferociously entertained Lalna’s, saliva mixing crudely together and gulped down by both throats. The determined air that gushed from their noses to keep their minds coherent drifted across the pressed skin.

Lalna couldn’t contain his nerves as he felt Rythian’s growing erection press tighter into stomach, enticing him rub into it at a faster pace. Both had begun to messily breathe into each other’s mouths, desperate to keep their already drawn out groans at a low volume.

Before even consulting the other, Lalna detached his hands from around Rythian’s neck to push in-between their bashing hips. As he caught Rythian’s pants button the face against him tightened. He couldn’t understand the new gooey sound Rythian drove into his mouth but pushed back enough to pull the fly down.

Lalna perked his lips hastily as he finally broke away. He gave a heated satisfied breath before suddenly dropping to his knees, landing eye level to see his shaky hands peel open the pants fly.

Giving his hazed vision time to clear as he shook his head Rythian lowered his eyes, watching Lalna breathe heavily against him with a slack mouth.

As if his mind snapped back into place Rythian wheezed abruptly, shoving Lalna away with wide palms. He took an unsteady step backwards as he grabbed at the front of his pants, holding them up as his panicked fingers tried to do up the fastening.

Watching Lalna’s baffled gaze as he sat motionless on the ground Rythian fixed his pants, letting go with an unsure release of his fingers. His voice didn’t stir even when he cleared his throat to settle his mind, he could only look back at the blonde.

The dampness from the ground continued to seep into the knees of Lalna’s pants, passing a shiver through his bones. He didn’t look at his hand as it groped around, searching for his hat; he only kept his sight on Rythian, watching as the man laboured to huff out varying sounds.

When he found his cap he gave it a full wave in the air, expelling bits of gravel off of the material. He knew Rythian wouldn’t find any words but let him continue to blub like a fish, finding the moment of quiet enough to answer him.

“I should go.” Lalna adorned the hat back atop his head, shifting it down to fit snuggly. Rythian still fumbled about with his lack of words as Lalna pulled himself up off the ground. He didn’t bother trying to dust off his pants as he didn’t want to smudge the already ingrained mud. “Try and stay away from the north end today, they’re starting to increase patrols in that area.”

Lalna didn’t pay attention to the dull squeak from Rythian’s coat as he stepped up to the opening of the alley, wishing he could feel the warmth of the sun even with the clouds still covering the sky. He looked across the street and both directions on the side walk, deciding to head directly to his patrol car.

“Here.” The brusque sound wouldn’t have startled Lalna as much if it weren’t for the tight fist that pressed into the back of his shoulder. Lifting his posture Lalna steadily turned around. Rythian refused to look at him as his eyes stuck to a trivial direction, his clenched hand still out stretched.

Lalna had no formed expectation as to what was in the man’s hand as he hovered an open palm underneath, stopping his eyebrows from jumping as a warmed metal fell into his grip.

Immediately retracting his arm back Rythian stuffed his hands into his pants pockets, still facing away. Lalna’s fingers padded carefully along the object, making out the smooth top and jagged edges. He tried to keep his face stoic but failed as his lips pulled together for a fitted smile.

“It’s a spare.” Rythian grumbled, setting his jaw firmly, “Don’t think anything about it.”

Lalna’s hand grew sweaty as he turned the key round in his grip over and over, savouring the feel of it.

“And don’t fucking say anything about it either.” Rythian’s eyes snapped to the poorly contained blonde, watching as he drolly made a gesture to signify that his lips were sealed. “No using when I’m not there, don’t go snoop around the place either, and you are fucking forbidden to go into the bedroom. Got it?”

Lalna’s brain bounced in his skull from how fast he nodded his head, barely memorizing the rules as his excitement bubbled up in his chest.

Brushing a hand through his hair Rythian sighed loudly, “Christ,” His fingers dug deep holding at the parting hair, “I’m probably going to end up regretting this…”

Not wanting to spoil the unforeseen moment in any sense Lalna merely grinned widely, holding the key tighter in his grip as if it was going to slip away.

Giving his head one slow shake Rythian raised his shoulders in the unknown motion, “You can come over tonight, I mean, if you don’t have duty tonight, or anything else. Time wise, I think, one, I think… I- shit what am I even saying?!” Rythian’s head titled back as he expelled a resentful sound, “Just use it or I’ll take it back. Or no, I’d rather you not use it, but if you… fuck it!”

Spinning around Rythian started down the sidewalk, his feet carrying him at a pace not fast enough for him to get away from the brightly chimed response, “Okay! See you tonight then!”

Rythian raised a middle finger above his head hoping Lalna could see, as he tried to ignore the small curve his lips took, “Don’t threaten me like that!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wonderful person made fanart of this chapter!!   
> http://artisticpleasantries.tumblr.com/post/100536768522/and-dont-fucking-say-anything-about-it-either  
> Hope everyone loves it as much as I do!


	3. Dependent Diagnosis

Deep in his gut he should have expected it. The sound from behind his door, a presence of life where he lived that was not him, a practically unpredictable being within his walls when he himself was standing on the outside. Rythian began to doubt his decision as he directed his key to the lock.

A thick blue crackle of static electricity connected with his lock and key when only an inch away, sparking an end to lip at his fingers. Rythian cursed as he dropped the keys, gripping tightly at his attacked hand as he looked down the hall, hoping not to have woken his neighbours. The bright yellow lights lining down the length of the hall simulated day even as Rythian’s eyes begged him to be closed, curl up and sleep with the few hours of night he still had.

With a whinge Rythian picked back his small ring of keys, quickly jamming the right one into the lock, praying for the random occurrence not to be repeated. Twisting it in the lock and giving a prepping breath he opened the door.

Sounds doubled in size as he entered, letting the heavy door bang shut before his reflexes kicked in controlling his fingers to snap the tumbler lock tightly and clicking the chain on the door into place. Even with the front door secure his stomach still twisted with uncertainty as he knew he already willingly let in such an impulsive force.

Slipping off his shoes with little care Rythian took timed steps into the open spaced main room, his eyes lazily drifting to the television as he could make out a black and white film flickering brightly on the screen. The over dramatic screams as a large moth attacked the obviously model town was how Rythian compared his raging instincts that pounded in his mind to throw out the comfortable man who lounged on his couch.

The two blonde hair covered legs stretched atop the armrest they dangled off from, stirring again as Rythian slipped behind the sofa and into the kitchen, his silent pleas to not be noticed going unheard.

“Hey,” The relaxed voice broke in sounds, groggy and heavy, “You’re later than you said you would be.”

Rythian desperately wanted to ignore the man and refuse to respond. To simply walk out of the room and go to bed, but something in the back of his mind pushed for him to speak up. “Yeah, well sometimes I lose track of time.” His lie sounded so deadpan he could almost convince himself that his avoidance of his own apartment was accidental.

Too many thoughts swirled around Rythian’s head. He couldn’t tell if his churning stomach was causing his headache or if his headache was the cause of the nervous sweat forming in his palms. He could hear his own murmured voice edging him on to throw the man out and be it done with his pains for the night. For him to disinfect his sofa, set fire to the horribly cheesy monster movie playing on his TV, distance himself from it all, but his body would only allow him to drift.

“I’ve been waiting for a while now…” The voice crept out again, crusted in a half-baked whine. “I fell asleep waiting.”

Letting out his virtually trained scoff Rythian could feel his feet touch onto the cold hardwood, “You should have gone home.” He wanted to regret walking up to the back of the sofa and laying his arms along the top of it, but he needed something to lean on in his unsteady state. 

“I said I would be here.” The yawn extended the sentence past its prime, stretching out the last letter.

Rythian couldn’t decipher his thoughts or his reasoning to look down at the body sunk into the sofa, he could only feel the necessity to put the voice to the face. Lalna was ruffled, hair intolerably messier than usual, sticking up in odd places and stuck down against the redden cheek on the side he had clearly slept on. His eyes barely opened, smiling along with dry lips, as he looked up trying to discern Rythian’s features. His wrinkled graphic tee oddly coordinated with his bright print boxer shorts, both displaying fictitious scaly creatures.

“Hi.” Lalna breathed out, as if he was a small child talking to his imaginary friend for the first time.

“Hi…” Rythian inadvertently repeated the greeting back. He could feel his stomach surge again as Lalna stretched his full body, pushing his arms out in the air as he arched his back, slowly drifting to lie compactly. He looked too warm and comfortable on Rythian’s sofa.

“There’s a curry in the fridge if you’re hungry.” Hosting himself up Lalna tried to sit, “I didn’t know how spicy you like it so I got it mild.”

Fingers gripped tighter into the head of the couch, “You ordered in?

Rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand Lalna chuckled. “No I called ahead and picked it up.” He stared back up at the towering man still with a sleepy drenched grin, “I’m not that thick Rythian, give me some credit. I won’t let people know I’m at your fortress of solitude.” 

His joke bounced lightly at the back of Rythian’s head as the man had already turned abruptly around mid-thought, padding back into the kitchen. Throwing open the fridge door Rythian easily found the plastic take away container front and center. He stared daggers at the meal a moment longer before slamming the door, “I’m not hungry.”

A lazy arm swept through the air, peaking up from the height of the sofa, “You’re welcome.” The retort was firm but not enough to cover the quiet laugh as the arm dropped back down.

Stepping to the other side of the kitchen Rythian flung open a cupboard, finding the nearest glass while trying to suppress a comeback. Straining to remedy his dizzy mind Rythian filled the glass with a burst of tap water, drinking it down before switching the tap off to sneak in a refill.

“Funniest thing happened today,” Lalna’s voice carried over the frightened civilians on screen who ran from crumbling skyscrapers, “We got called in on a-” Lalna stopped himself from dictating the code numbers, “We were sent to search this one guy’s apartment who was suspected of robbing this convenient store earlier in the week.”

Gulping down the last of the lukewarm water Rythian wiped his upper lip, trying desperately to shut out the story Lalna was relaying.

“And so the landlord of the apartment complex lets us in and what do we find? The guy has gone and died from a heart attack!” Lalna buzzed his lips, “So we had to sit and wait for the coroner to arrive before we could really do anything much less get confirmation that it was indeed a heart attack that killed him, which it was.” The finger in the air was unneeded as Lalna’s voice stressed the story well enough.

“So we’re sitting in the dead guy’s living room trying to make small talk and not look at the guy’s body on the ground as we wait, and you’ll never guess what happens.” Scooting farther up the couch Lalna tried to peak his head over the top of the plush furniture piece to look off at Rythian. “The guy fucking moves!”

Closing his eyes for a moment Rythian shook his head, letting his thoughts calm down as Lalna’s story was turning into distant background noise.

“Sjin freaked out! He jumped up from his seat screaming!” Smacking the cushions with a bellowing laugh Lalna tried to continue through his interrupting chuckles, “The guy was of course dead as a doornail but Sjin seemed to have forgotten bodies still settle after death so when like a lump of air or something left the guy- just, oh god it was hilarious!”

Lalna’s enthusiastic tale over powered the television, making the giant moth monster weak against Lalna’s laughs. “When I told Xephos you could tell he was trying not to laugh but I can happily say I brought the chief of police to tears today!”

The creaks in the floor almost went undetected as Rythian slipped away from the kitchen but Lalna’s grinning face caught him mid motion. He stared at him, watching him walk away, his wide tooth filled smile gradually decreasing as Rythian continued his silent steps. He gave no response when he stepped off into the short hall, the presence soon fading from the room.

Rythian couldn’t find a full enough breath until his back hit the closed bathroom door. His shoulders shook as he tried not to slip down the painted wood, the upset in his guts dulling the sharp discomfort. Trying to take another steadying breath he slid a hand up his face, holding his throbbing forehead gently as his headache shifted spots in his skull.

“What the hell is he playing at..?” Rythian’s question drifted in no particular direction, allowing the unanswered thought to linger on his tongue. Lurching away from the door he tried to stand in front of the mirror. He found it almost impossible to look himself in the eye, in disbelief about his actions earlier that day. “I’m already regretting giving him the key…” His sigh dropped his stance as he rubbed another hand along his face, “I’m too tired for this.”

Bringing his hands up Rythian pulled down the zipper on his jacket he had forgotten to take off at the door, his drifting mind concentrating not enough on trivial things. Letting it drop onto the hamper beside the sink his free hand drifted to his back, hiking his shirt up to slowly pull it up over his head.

His fingers gently rose to his cheeks, as if to hold his skin in place as the day’s earlier events seemed to force his face to itch. Rythian fought to control his breathing in a calm pace as he compelled his hands back to his sides. Lifting his chin he tried to drown out the muffled sounds that seeped through the walls from the chattering television. He almost wanted to scream with the actors as he felt his own part crushing him.

Clicking his tongue to the roof of his mouth with another sigh he unbuttoned his pants, suppressing every nerve in his body from remembering the way Lalna’s fingers felt when they pulled at the material. Shuffling each bit of clothing off his hips and onto the floor he let his foot sweep everything to sit in a heap by the hamper.

Wasting no time as he felt his eyes become heavier by the moment Rythian stepped into the shower, disregarding the temperature and pushing the handle whichever direction his hand went to the fullest extreme. Remembering the set the curtain in place before the water spat out Rythian let his back take the beginning force, feeling ice cold quickly switch to a scolding heat. His skin implored him to change the temperature but Rythian was too glad his mind had something else to concentrate on.

Tilting his head back he let the practically scarring water soak into his hair. He could almost feel his stomach settle and his breathing ease as he began to take in the hot vapours. Another deep inhale and his hands scratched at the top of his head, letting the water wash away the day’s dirt.

As the pale curtain budged with the press of water against the slick surface Rythian tried to bring the covering closer to the wall to keep any water from getting out, when he realized a crucial detail. His stomach wanted to flip upside down as he checked his suspicions. He had forgotten to lock the bathroom door.

Instincts made him close his eyes and try to wish the problem away; pretending that the anxiety that swelled in him had no grounds to stand on. That his fear would not come true, Lalna would not come in while he was showering.

Rythian could feel his heart beat frantically in his chest, almost hearing it pond in his ears. His hands shook as he tried to push away the thought, doubting the man in every way feeling as if he would most certainly push his boundaries. Rythian coughed, wanting to wrap his arms around his chest and be taken millions of miles away. Every part of his body hurt him as he took in another sharp breath, the streaming water slipping into his mouth.

He stressed his ears, listening for the telltale sound of the door clicking open. All he could hear was the rushing water passing over his head and his own sputtering breath. The anticipation was tearing him apart. He listened for the sound of the door, the quick silence after it and the arms around his waist, the head pressed against his back, each sound playing out for him in the exact way he expected it to happen.

Gripping tightly at his neck he tensed his body, huffing out shakily. Slowly letting his eyes peel open he tried not to swallow his tongue as his mind pieced together thoughts. His shower had gone on for much longer than he needed it to be, yet he still stood letting the water run over him. When his mind realized the nauseating thought he froze: He wasn’t just expecting Lalna, he was waiting for him.

Rotating the shower handle with a sudden twist of his wrist Rythian straightened his back. He gave his head a shake, trying to expel the water and his repugnant thoughts. His hand found his forehead again, cradling it as he tried to keep down the creeping bile in his throat.

He didn’t care as he stepped out still dripping wet, all that he tried to focus on was grabbing his towel off the hook. Swaying to the side as he took a step forward Rythian strained his breathing again, taking a chance to open his mouth. When his hand closed around the dry fluffed fabric he couldn’t help himself as he ripped it from its spot on the wall, quickly rubbing it through his hair before wrapping it around his waist.

Rythian noticeably felt his psychical state release tension as he was moderately covered again. He could feel the beads of water drip from his hair and onto his shoulders, ending to slip down his back, but his mind traveled too fast for the sensation to bother him. Raising his head up high and holding tightly to the fold in the towel he opened the door, stepping out into the concealed hall.

Sounds still blared from the living room, mumbled words about how to destroy the creature that continued to plague the city. Heading directly for his bedroom door Rythian made a point not to glance out into the living room as he passed the doorway, catching only a glimpse in the corner of his eye of the poorly illuminated room.

Again with a shut door he could feel oxygen reach his head, his fingers releasing their clamped grip letting the towel be dropped to the side. Combing a hand through his damp hair he crossed the shadow ridden room to switch on his bedside lamp. The dim light reminded him that his mind craved a much needed rest, hoping his scattered thoughts would die off come morning.

Rythian laughed as he thought more about the panic that once flooded his guts as he grabbed a pair of soft cotton pants the hung off the lone wooden chair that sat in its set corner. “Ridiculous…” He muttered with a shake of his head as he continued to try and laugh the situation off. Slipping both legs into the sleep pants and with a quick tug up he forced another chuckle. Though no matter how many he pushed his body to create he couldn’t get rid of the apprehension that still skittered under his skin.

Even as he threw back the covers and crawled into the welcoming bed he held suspense in the back of his mind. The movie continued to roar with unknown sounds as Rythian laid down, his head slowly sinking into the deflating pillow. “How can I sleep with that noise?” He grumbled as he turned off the once calming light, now only shining to increase his headache. Turning to his side Rythian huffed out his second question, “How can I sleep when he’s out there?” His groan was louder than anticipated as he positioned his legs in an off way to find comfort. 

Time felt like it was spinning out of control, going too fast and yet not fast enough for the blonde man to leave the apartment. Rythian began to try and count the minutes, waiting for the noise outside to end and the front door to slam while another part flared in him again, tunneling the thought of Lalna coming into the room to the front of his mind. Even with the rules set Rythian knew the man too well, knowing he would test his limits, constantly push. Rythian closed his eyes tighter together as if it added another layer of security, that with just a simple movement he would be protected when his anxiety was answered and Lalna would burst in with ludicrous demands. His chest tightened as he held his breath, waiting for sounds so he could see.

His reply came far sooner for his mind to catch on as the echoes for the next room stopped. Taking in a sudden breath he described to himself the situation, each sound to pin point the scene. The television was off, the squeak in the floorboards; Lalna was up from the sofa. Rythian prayed for the best sound, the slam of the front door and the click of the lock.

The faucet sprung to life; Lalna was in the bathroom. Rythian could feel his face heat as he stressed himself to listen closer, holding back a scream into the darkness as to question why. The floor spoke again as Rythian’s body protested, paining him to stop the trauma.

When he heard it, he wanted to deny the obvious truth. The bedroom door whined with the slow speed. It was the wrong door to sound; it wasn’t supposed to be the one leading to him. Rythian wanted to bolt out of bed, push past the man and go back into the city where he could hide but his body refused to budge.

The rustle of clothes was almost enough to trigger Rythian’s gag reflex. He wanted to order Lalna to spit out his reasoning for breaking the rules so blatantly and toss the man out the door, dust his hands and be done with him.

When he felt cool air on his back he suppressed a shudder. The mattress dipped and something in his mind convinced him to pretend his breathing was slow and calm, give the appearance he was asleep, maybe unmoving prey was enough to deter the other.

A hand glided down his forehead, leading fingers to brush through his hair. Rythian struggled to lay still. Tension in his body was building, he released more slow breaths hoping to cure but it only encouraged his stomach to twist.

Warmth increased as he could feel skin press against him, the touch burned as hands curled into the middle of his back. Legs lined with his as the rest of the body compressed against him. Rythian wanted to jump up and pin the man, shout directly into his face, make his guts swirl with the same pain he was feeling, but the body that framed his backside was too tight into him.

Rythian needed to move, his limbs itched in every way possible as it felt like his bones ached in audible creaks. The sigh that wafted down his neck spiked his nerves, firing his mind again, assessing every point of contact. Everything was too close, pressing to stick to his skin, but for the pair of arms. They still sat bundled up in the mid of his back, refusing or afraid, they did not wrap and tighten around him.

With another agonizing minute passing by, Rythian couldn’t hold still any longer. Extending his limbs in a short burst of collected energy he flipped himself around, facing the still wide awake startled blonde. He watched as Lalna’s mouth opened to exclaim his surprise but wasn’t allowed to expel it as Rythian threw a hand to his mouth.

“Don’t say anything…” He hissed out, as if he was fearful there were more ears in the room. “Just, don’t…” Air from the other man’s nose heated his fingers in an odd way that made him want to concentrate solely on it. Rythian could actively feel his chest lose its tension as he was able to address the source.

“You know you’re not supposed to be in here.” He watched the wide eyes in the abysmal light that was allowed in through the window. Rythian tried to read the expression that stared back at him, “What? Did you think that the rules don’t apply when I’m home?” The head in his grip tried to nod, taking deliberate movements.

With a pull of his lips Rythian sighed through his nose, “Well they still do. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours and you broke the rules, congratulations.” Lalna’s chin tensed as it was released, taking a second to keep his mouth agape.

“Rythi-” Long fingers were back on Lalna’s lips, pressing tighter than before.

“I told you not to say anything.” A strange sense boiled in Rythian’s veins as he trusted the man enough to keep his mouth shut as he dropped his hand again. Something made him want to try and read more into the odd eyes, see if he could learn how to understand the erratic man.

The forming divots in his chin as Lalna wrinkled his lips to keep his curious words in were an evident tip for Rythian. “I won’t kick you out, it’s too late, or early…” Rythian tried shaking his head, his damp hair staining his pillow, “I’m not that fucking heartless.”

Rythian could feel every ounce of throbbing pain quell, he could taste the air again without the threat of a raging stomach or growing scream. His mind was stilling, his limbs relaxing, even as hair tickled underneath his chin. He didn’t respond when a forehead was pressed against his chest or when arms circled around him. All he could feel was his breath again; it tasted far sweeter than he remembered.

Even as he wanted to scratch at every inch of his skin, the heated compression that only moments ago terrified his very core lured him to remain still. The touch cemented itself in such a way that he could hardly feel the difference between it and his own skin. He wanted to dictate more rules before they both became incoherent but his tongue was dead in his mouth, already embarrassed that he had allowed Lalna to push to his limits already. Lalna had gotten what he sought without breaking a sweat, Rythian had already broken himself down without any coaxing.

Rythian tried to curse under his shallow breath but his mind confused his actions, urging his body to coil around the very thing he wanted to demean. None of his sleep deprived thoughts spoke the same language as him anymore, all whispering with broken diction. The only thing he could understand was when his hands ran down Lalna’s back, the man stopped his shivering, and when he held the soft skin, his own breathing improved.

He would make sense of it all in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More amazing fanart from the magnificent person!!  
> http://artisticpleasantries.tumblr.com/post/100678687657/i-did-say-i-was-doing-more-right-no  
> Thank you so much to them again! <3


	4. Prolonged Exposure

The motion was halted abruptly, each muscle cemented into place as the jacket was loosely kept between fingers. With a surge, hairs stood on end. “What are you doing here?”

Rythian remained motionless, as if keeping his legs from stepping any further could keep him safe from the drooped eyes. With one shoe off and the other half way between his toes and the ground, gravity tried to gain a hold again. “I asked you a question.” His throat itched as he let out a louder growl.

A weak arm swept through the air; a wave and calming gesture in one. “I’m sick.” Lalna cracked the words more than was required, his acting needing more practice. “I took the day off work.”

Receiving his answer Rythian spared no power as he grunted, kicking off his last shoe and letting his jacket land on a nearby chair. “You are sick,” Rythian sneered back as he crossed his arms, “Twisted in the head.” He watched the man theatrically mope, pulling the duvet that hung on his shoulders tighter around his body. “Is that from my bed?” He couldn’t hold back the frantic finger as he pointed at the dark fabric.

Lalna’s head tilted as he curled a smile, “I was cold.” He shuffled along the sofa he usually occupied more times than Rythian wanted him to. Patting the cushion beside him he flicked his chin to encourage the other to join him.

“Why aren’t you at yours?” Rythian tried to settle his arms, rejecting the offer Lalna gave him. The dark circles growing under Lalna’s eyes dug into Rythian’s mind, edging him onto questions when he only wanted to leave the thought alone.

A sharp shiver passed through Lalna as he tried to grip the blanket closer to his body, “It sucks to be sick and by yourself. I was hoping you would be home.” The repellent sniff he took forced Lalna to tip his head back, hoping to keep his nose from dripping.

“Fuck,” Sliding a hand through his hair Rythian bent at the waist, achieving eye level with Lalna, “Are you really sick?” Placing a placid hand to Lalna’s forehead, he mimicked the motion on himself, closing his eyes as he deliberated to compare the temperatures. “You have a fever.” Rythian mouthed another curse as he dropped his arms.

Collapsing into the open space on the sofa Rythian released the pent up air out of his lungs, sinking into the cushion. “Why do you have to be sick?” His fingers pinched at the bridge of his nose as he could feel the warm blanket come closer to his arm.

“Rythian,” Lalna’s voice squeaked as he adjusted his legs, “Play doctor and make me feel better.” His body shifted again, his limbs feeling insufferably sore.

“I’m not a doctor Lalna. The best I can do is get some vitamins for you to take.” Drawing out another hot sigh Rythian tried to remember if he had anything in his cupboards that could help. The heavy head that found his shoulder burned his skin, “You better not get me sick…” Rythian could feel the blonde’s body shake as he tried to curl more into the puffed blanket. The disordered hair scratched at his neck, lightly triggering Rythian’s nerves to spark and crawl up into the base of his skull.

Raising his shoulders to adjust the position of the man Rythian grabbed at the blanket, “Just stay still so I can…” The sudden action forced Lalna’s arm to fly out from the warm cocoon in a struggle to pull the blanket back. “Lalna,” Rythian’s hand held still, fingers securely buried into the fabric, “Is that my sweater?”

Tension left Lalna’s body as he squirmed in his spot, “Rythian, I’m not going to lie to you…” His voice drifted as he sucked at his bottom lip, letting his words lie incomplete in his mouth. 

Watching the man for any possible answer Rythian could feel his chest collapse, slowly understanding exactly what Lalna hinted at. “Christ…” Throwing down the small corner of the duvet he had in his hand Rythian shifted away from the blonde, “Keep it, I don’t want it anymore.”

Gluing back to Rythian’s side the man laughed, “Rythian…” He cooed lowly as he moved closer, pushing the tall man to press into the armrest, “Cure me magic man. Make me feel better.” Rocking back in his seat his sweaty forehead came back into contact with the skin on Rythian’s neck. “Cure me…”

Stiffening at the words something clicked in the back of Rythian’s mind, “Are you saying,” Letting the thought settle again Rythian felt his fingers twitch, “You’re not actually sick are you?” His voice rose even as he did not, almost stunned as he put the pieces together, “You’re just going through fucking withdrawal!” Slamming his hands to his face Rythian groaned into his palms, “I should have known!”

Adding in a pitiable sniff Lalna puckered his lips, “Take pity on me. Make it go away Rythian.”

Yanking his hands away Rythian huffed, “No fucking way! I am not giving you any!” Clammy palms latched onto his arm, tugging him in a desperate manner. “Don’t touch me!” Rythian ripped himself out of the grasp, refusing to look at the man.

“Rythian, don’t be like that,” The blanket slowly slinked onto the floor, letting Lalna’s overheated skin become exposed to the unkind air, “Just a little something, please?” The back of his hand covered his mouth hastily, trying to keep still as he could feel his body beg more than his words were. His stomach jumped as his breath began to stutter, his mind fully directed on his addictive need. “I’ll pay full and a half. Just give me a bit.”

Lalna was back tight against Rythian’s side, his knees planted shakily into the cushions as he tried to gain an unusual height, “Rythian, please, for me?” Fingers skittered lightly around Rythian’s neck even as the man continuously tried to spasm away. Lalna’s dry lips caught against Rythian’s ear, billowing out a slow hot breath before trying to swallow. “Please…” Rythian tensed as the pleading tone slid down his skin, “If you want, I can even trade goods,” His unsteady hands crept down from Rythian’s neck and nonchalantly slithered along his chest, “For services.” His slipped his palm to rub suggestively on the warm side of the inner thigh. His fingers did not stop their creep even as he could feel the man jolt.

Already prepared for the built up force Lalna let himself go limp before his back hit the floor, his head barely missing he coffee table. Every bone in Lalna’s body seemed to vibrate as his joints ached, throbbing as he tried to lift himself up. “Don’t fucking degrade yourself.” Lalna’s hazed vision snapped up, the firmly grumbled words centering his attention on the tall man who had jumped from the sofa with the kick back of strength he had given. Rythian’s hands pulled at his hair, sitting securely on the back of his head. His shoulders lifted with the rest of his body as he held in a breath, “Just don’t, alright?”

With a slow blink Rythian dropped his arms, using another full breath through his nose to keep in roar. Even as most of his mind had no desire to look back to the struggling blonde he couldn’t stop the gradual turn of his head. Lalna’s hands were no help to him as his fingers were preoccupied with scratching at spots on his skin, his sore legs the only thing twisting to get him to stand.

“Get into the kitchen.” Rythian could feel everything in his being disagree with him as he stepped away. He could hear the scrambling increase as he made the short trip to the kitchen, leading the man as if he would lose his way.

The gray tiled walls absorbed the light of the room while the pale wooden cabinets reflected it back into Rythian’s eyes, enticing him to wish his purpose for being there was purely for normality. If his hand would reach for the bread box he would pull out a slice of multigrain bread, and not the vile of sluggish brown liquid strapped to the side of it. He wanted to grab for a butter knife when his hand went into the flatware drawer, not a bottle of rubbing alcohol. He wished it was all normal, that his kitchen had no hidden secrets, that a case of syringes wasn’t tapped to the underside of his sink.

Guilt swelled inside of him, as if he was being judged by every watching eye in the world and not just a single man, the horridly excited blonde that now sat on his countertop. His legs swung back and forth, as if he was kicking through the air like water. Rythian couldn’t look at his smile, feeling as if it was inappropriate.

Laying the materials onto the heavy counter Rythian could feel the impatient bounce from Lalna shake the surface. “You better not break anything…” The practically ordinary intimidation did nothing to stop the edgy actions. Lalna continued even as Rythian dampened a cloth with the sharp smelling rubbing alcohol, “Arms.” He hardly even needed to give any instruction as Lalna rolled up his sleeves, exposing both of his pricked arms.

The long frown that pulled harder on Rythian’s lips did not let up as he examined over Lalna’s pasty skin. “Yeah, we really can’t do it there…” His eyes danced between fresher redden marks and the seeping dark bruises, trailing around to connect each dot and finish the puzzle.

“Toes it is then.” Rythian hated how casual he was keeping his tone as he watched the other so fervently shuffle off his socks. He didn’t wait to watch for the last one to drop as he picked up a syringe, looking it over before screwing off the cap on the brown liquid with his other hand. In an almost traditional movement Rythian tapped the needle on the top of the vile, a quirk that forever stayed in his muscle memory. He watched with clinical eyes as he pulled the liquid in, counting each tick on as the plunger drew up.

Lalna drew his lips in odd directions as he waited, his keenness reminding him of the symptoms that drove his body to ache. He held as still as he could manage, surprising himself as he held in his brash words of encouragement.

Carefully kneeling down Rythian gave an instinctive flick to the syringe, watching the small dribble of liquid bead out the top with a satisfied sigh. “Now,” Rythian’s voice bounced as he gently took hold of Lalna’s most docile foot, “This is going to hurt more than usual, cause it’s your fucking feet.” He didn’t have to look up to know Lalna nodded along with his warning, “Squeeze your foot and move your toes.” The movement in his palm almost startled Rythian’s heart as the foot sprung to life. He could feel each toe press into his skin and bones become prominent as he could visibly begin to see the veins warm up.

Patting the top of Lalna’s foot Rythian’s minute cue killed the animated movement. He adjusted his knees as he took in his own calming breath, his mind tensing as he selected out a spot. “Count backwards from five.”

Lalna cleared his throat, mouthing the first number sluggishly, “Five… four…” He closed his eyes as he could feel Rythian’s hand grip tighter, “Three… two-” The cold needle pierced quicker than was dictated, sinking between fitted bones and releasing the streaming thick watery substance. The sensation crawled hastily up his leg to spread leaching tendrils into the rest of his body.

By the time Lalna’s eyes peeled open Rythian’s materials were once again scattered in places old and new to keep the blonde from helping himself. Lalna rolled his head as he stretched his jaw, the cold trickling soon ending to remain stuck in their tracks. “Rythian,” He hummed as another breath made him feel weightless. “You take me away to fantastic lands.”

Rythian couldn’t lift his sight from the ground, too many emotions gurgling in his mind as each thought popped with stinging regret. Lalna’s drones did nothing to Rythian’s posture as his arms pressed firmly to his chest, almost holding him together.

“Come here Rythian.” The coo was stagy, fingers coiling in the air to pull Rythian closer, “Come to me.” His voice dipped as he took another drawn out breath, a wilted grin as the warm air passed between his teeth.

In the back of his mind, Rythian knew what would happen if he moved into Lalna’s range. He knew it, yet he sealed his fate as he stepped forward, letting the gluttonous hands tangle into his hair and pull him to stand between the legs. Rythian pressed disturbingly close to the counter, forcing him to plant his hands on the fake marble surface to hold his balance.

Lalna edged forward to meet with Rythian, his eyes lighting up as he squeezed his knees against the man’s hips to hold him in place. Their eyes met at a level height as Lalna eased his grip, “God,” His fingers swept down Rythian’s face, coming together at his chin and spanning out to lead down his neck, “You’re so soft.” Lalna jolted as a strange wave took him, “And you’re so fucking humpable.”

Rythian wanted to pull away but instead only sighed as he shot his eyes off in a new direction away from the man. “Are you done?” The click of Lalna’s tongue was expected as the wandering fingers came back up to pinch at Rythian’s cheeks, stretching the dusky skin as far as the elasticity would allow.

“No, I’m not done with you.” His words spilled out chaotically as he leaned forward, his aim lacking as his teeth nipped at the corner of Rythian’s lips. His laugh vanished against Rythian’s skin as he tried to sit back up, soon giving in to attack the lips again.

Breathing in with another chuckle Lalna found himself lost in a frantic push back. Hands tugged at his hair while a busy tongue danced with his own, clashing against teeth as he surrendered to the lead. Lalna could feel his mouth urge to smile but the kiss molded his lips too fast for him to secure the movement. He tried to lift his brow, wanting to move his face in some way but even such a small change didn’t seem to stir.

Prying a hand in between them, Lalna shoved at Rythian’s collarbone, leaving his fingers long enough to feel the panting shake his chest. “Something’s not right,” He croaked as he held back a sharp cough, “Fuck.”

Bringing his head back up Lalna watched as Rythian softly licked at his lips, his taxed breathing keeping his mouth open. He only stared back at the blonde, his expression flat.

“Shit,” The pieces fell together in Lalna’s mind, “You didn’t give me enough.” His frantic sights fell to Rythian again, hoping it was purely a mistake. When the tall man again refused to meet the expression Lalna could feel his chest tense. “You didn’t give me enough Rythian!”

The drop from the counter flashed in the corners of Rythian’s eyes as he tried to ignore how tight Lalna grabbed at his arms. He moved fluidly with the shake, letting his frame go limp. “I gave you a sufficient amount to supress the withdrawal symptoms for a while. It is enough.”

“No it’s not!” Lalna’s voice jumped in his throat, “I need more! I don’t feel like I’m supposed to!” A nervous shake rippled through Lalna as his increasing grip grew to dangerous territory.

Rythian tried to pull his arms away, but as his back hit the cabinet behind him he knew it wouldn’t be probable. “Look!” His volume increased as his arms buzzed with the halted blood flow, “You’re always going to need more, that’s how this shit goes! You’re going to need a higher dosage as you keep doing this! I only gave you what I did because going cold turkey could fucking kill you!” Rythian’s body shuddered as he felt like a trapped animal bargaining for its life. “I told you the shit is toxic but you didn’t fucking listen!”

Snorting loudly Lalna’s skittish laugh spewed out uncomfortably warm air. “So that’s it huh? You’re not going to give me more?” His teeth grazed his lips as his repetitive nod spun on, “That’s noble of you Rythian and for that I’m going to tell you a story.” Lalna’s voice sped practically out of control as he fixed his grip again.

“Once upon a time, there was this valiant officer,” Rythian’s knees shifted as he tried to dispense a short kick but Lalna’s force caught on, pushing him harder into the fake wooden cabinets. “Oh don’t worry. I won’t keep you here long. So this valiant cop, he took pity on a poor guy who had broken the law.” Lalna’s breathing was uneven as what as swimming in his system hurried his thoughts, “And even though we both know breaking the law is a very bad thing to do, the cop thought he could help the criminal.”

A suppressed whine broke from behind Rythian’s lips as he didn’t stop his struggle. “But it turns out the criminal didn’t want the cop to be his friend. No, sadly he wanted nothing to do with him, even after everything the cop did for him.” Lalna gently shushed another whimper from Rythian, “The criminal, thought that his life would be better without the valiant officer. His sad little life, he thought it was something.”

Lalna’s head fell back as he could feel the words blister into his mind, “Even when he wanted to be by himself, he fucked the cop, over and over and over again, and at the end of the day tried to convince himself his life wasn’t so fucking lonely. The drug dealer thought his sick little life was worth living.” Slowly, he brought his head down, and looked back at Rythian, “Pathetic.”

The scream didn’t register in time in Lalna’s brain, nor did the forehead that collided with his nose, everything was already too blurry to discern. His instincts made him release his grip and tend to the numb feeling that crackled through his face. Everything felt as if it was crumbling when hands shoved him away, the strength of what he had said beginning to drill into him.

“Get out!” Rythian’s voice bellowed with an involuntary crack, “Get the fuck out of here!”

Stinging like acid the words cut at Lalna’s mind as paired hands shoved his shoulders. He took a step back as Rythian’s height seemed to grow. Lalna held his head and looked back with wide eyes, “Oh my God,” His free hand patted around, directing him where to take his next step, “I’m so sorry Rythian I wasn’t thinking and-”

“I said get out!” Another powerful bark and Lalna’s bare feet stepped onto a different section of flooring.

“Rythian I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say any of that! It just came out! I didn’t mean any of it!” Lalna’s desperate apologies fell on deaf ears as he was slowly intimidated to the front hall.

“No, it sounded like you meant every word of it.” Rythian gave another fully followed through push to Lalna’s shoulders, letting the man’s back slam into the door. “Thanks for the story. It’s great to finally hear what you think of me and my _sad_ life.” 

Lalna waved his hands in the air as if to dispel everything that had happened, “No I didn’t mean any of it! I wasn’t thinking right! The drugs fuck up my thoughts!”

With swift movements Rythian unbolted both locks, pushing Lalna out of the way as he whipped the door open. “Yeah, you sure do have some fucked up thoughts.” Grabbing Lalna’s upper arm Rythian roughly directed him through the doorway, “Now you can fuck off!” Lalna’s mouth opened to try and defend just as the door was pulled shut, the sound of metallic locks clicking in place was his only farewell.

Lalna’s muffled voice sounded off Rythian’s name, calling to him repeatedly. His knocking drowned out other possible sounds, pounding with his voice.

As his back hit the door Rythian could feel the force from the other side shake the barrier. All he could hear was his name, pouring from Lalna in shrill tones. His legs buckled under his weight as he rubbed at his slowly bruising arms. He struggled to keep his breathing in a slow pace as his back continued to slip down the door, faltering only as he hit the floor.

Rythian let his head fall back against the door. All he could hear was his name, the repetition freezing him in time. He couldn’t find any words or even the strength to stand back up, everything was numb. Only when the pleading on the other side grew silent, did he comprehend that he was crying.


	5. Relapse, Relapse, Relapse

Every surface, every texture and colour laid flat, bland and dull in Lalna’s darkened eyes. The brewing pot of coffee, the wax buffer on his shoes, the freshly photocopied papers on the counter beside him; nothing could be discerned past the stale smell that lingered in his nose. The ugly office lighting turned his pale skin a ghastly yellow while highlighting the heavy bags under his eyes. The steam creeping into the air from the popping brewer phased in and out of his vision. Nothing could hold the attention of his dissolving mind.

Lalna’s breath, practically coated in cobwebs from lack of use, crashed into the screeching sound of the electronic coffee pot. His sick days for the month had been exhausted, he had no way to hide and dragging his body out of bed became a more daunting task by each passing day. No longer could he tell if his falling psychical health was due to his miserable withdrawal of his lack of drugs, or the warm lanky being who supplied them. Whether the first or the latter, his mouth was dry no matter the amount of coffee he inhaled and the sweat on his back continued to stain his shirts regardless of how long he stood under the fans.

“Hey buddy!” Lalna was unprepared for the jubilant greeting or the friendly gesture of a palm to his back, and he wished he could reverse time to avoid it, “Haven’t seen much of you lately! Have you really been that sick?”

The usual bearded partner circled around the hunched blonde, making his own prognosis, “Wow,” Even his laugh was unwelcomed, “You do look like shit!” The chuckle drilled harsher into Lalna’s headache, forcing him to grip at his forehead. “Shame you had to come in today. You look like you’ve been through hell and back! It must be a bad flu!”

Lalna virtually needed to smack the Cheshire smile from the man’s lips, “Can you not talk so loudly Sjin?” He hoped his groan would help the man to pity him further and do as he asked.

“Sorry, my bad!” His slender fingers raked through his painstakingly sculpted facial hair. Lalna even wanted to tear out his beard, hair by hair. The unbearable scratching noise was amplified by his weak state. “What they got you doing today? I hope nothing like walking the beat. It doesn’t even look like you could lift a single foot!”

Trying to increase the casualness of the conversation Lalna forced himself to laugh, “No, thankfully they felt sorry for me. I just have to do some paper work.” Glancing over to the slowly easing coffee pot he tried to hold in a whine, “Though it’s hard enough to concentrate on a computer screen.” He blinked his dry eyes heavily as impossible beads of water gathered in the corners.

Sjin gnawed at his inner cheek as he watched his friend stream varying noises of anguish. Bashing his hip into the counter of the break room he let out a pitying sigh, “How long have you been sick?”

Summoning another parched laugh Lalna tried to brush the thought off before it sprouted other dwelling matters, “Just over a week I think.” His clammy hand rubbed circles on his temple, feeling his sixth headache of the day increase its torment.

Watching as Sjin buzzed his lips and began to drone on as he compared the condition to an outlandish assumption Lalna tried not to remember exactly how long the symptoms had been plaguing him. He could easily recall the moment the last few drops in his system dried up and had been unwittingly counting the minutes since he had been in range of a soothing touch.

“So if you replace the regular water you’re drinking with vitamin water-” Sjin sucked his sentence back into his throat. “I wish I could help you Lalna. Just looking at you is making me feel bad.” As a nervous twitch Sjin pulled at the trimmed hairs of his moustache again, “You sure it’s just the flu..?”

Lalna shivered at prodding tone, nodding his head immediately. “Yeah, it’s nothing to be overly concerned about. I just need to get more rest.” Slamming his palm into the counter he whipped around to eye the coffeemaker, desperately wishing one vice could calm the others. “I just need some more rest…”

The blonde’s eyes closed like weighted doors, hardly even budging when a hand hit his shoulder. “Have you been getting enough sleep?” The friendly movement the unwanted hand pushed out failed to cheer up the intended person.

With an extended sigh, taking the stale instant coffee vapours into his lungs, Lalna tried to stand up straight. “No, I’ve hardly been able to sleep at all.” He didn’t want to think back to his bed, the soft place that used to console him, now only a cold empty space. Lying for hours in one place, no change in movement, it was only a time to make Lalna miss his once abundant comforts.

“Have you gone to the doctors?” Another question that bored into Lalna’s skull and another topic he wanted to dance around.

Shaky hands tried to regain a natural blood flow, curling fingers into the palm and out, but it failed to produce results. The sound of Sjin cracking his knuckles was infuriating, each sluggish pop exploding taunting voices into his mind. Lalna muffled a static filled whine behind his lips as his chest tensed; everything feeling like it was giving up on him.

“Hey, hey! Are you going to be alright?” Lalna didn’t allow the sought to be consoling hands on him again, tearing away before even a finger could find him. “How about after your shift is done, I’ll drive you home and like make you some soup or something. Get some nutrients into you at the very least.”

The out of rhythm shake of Lalna’s head twitched as he scrunched his lips, trying to remember to breathe deeply. “Geeze buddy you’re killing me here…” Sjin’s voice barely came above the sound of his insistent tweaking of his beard. “How about, we at least switch jobs for the day?”

Lalna’s ears burned as he heard the prospect. Praying for something simpler to end his day early and let him collapse was more than tempting. “What were you assigned to do today..?” Biting his tongue Lalna kept in more obsessing questions.

“You heard about the big drug bust that we did recently right?” Watching as Lalna placed his forehead into uneasy hand Sjin picked up on the small confirming gesture before continuing, “Well it was extremely successful not to mention quite the thrill! Too bad you weren’t there. It was before you got sick so I don’t know why you weren’t there…”

“I was at a friend’s alright?” The harsh tone hissed out between Lalna’s teeth as he remembered the day he heard about the operation. A day where making poorly thought out excuses to keep a now absent comfort from stepping outside was more necessary than getting a fill for thrills. “What does this have to do with your assignment?”

The unmentioned selection of secured files under Sjin’s arm was put into play, smacked down onto the plastic countertop, “These are some of the papers that were pulled from there building where one of their hubs of operation was happening. In it, have actual lists of street names. With this we can nail some of the guys who have pending trials.”

Blowing his cheeks out to bulge at the sides of his face Lalna sighed, “That’s super.” Lalna’s hand swatted at the start button on the coffee machine again, knowing in his gut the water was cold by now. “That sounds overly important, and something I shouldn’t be handling right now.”

“No, no! It’s way easy! It’s like a match game right now really!” Opening sections of paperclip fastened pages Sjin waved his hand around the print, “Find a name on the list, see if matches someone we already know and write it down. Maybe make a new file for a name that appears that we don’t have… but that’s it really!”

Intrigue spiked in Lalna’s thoughts, “How many pages of the list are there?” He stopped his nails from their need to drum against his pants.

“Oh, about fifteen or so, it’s quite the eclectic group.” Sjin flipped through the pages giving a quick count, pleased with his accurate statement.

Lalna wanted to curse. Scream until his lungs collapsed and be wheeled away from his reality as he knew what he had to do. Extracting a throat clearing cough Lalna smiled, “Yeah, I can totally do this job,” His hand turned unsettlingly steady as he pulled the papers towards him, “Thanks Sjin. Hopefully I can finish this and head home early for the day.” A drop of sweat not caused by withdrawal fell behind his ear as he curled a smile for display.

“Hey no problem! And if you could uh,” Spinning around with a pleased laugh Sjin pointed to the small nook of spilling papers around a bland machine, “Have them photo copied as well, kind of the reason I was in here in the first place…”

“Yeah, I got you.” Lalna willingly let his hand pat out a reassuring beat on Sjin’s back, “And thanks again!” The raise in his voice somehow avoided cracking, every phony bright emotion building in extremes to be rid of the man.

Snatching the papers of Lalna’s original allotted work Sjin smiled blazingly, “Just promise to get some sleep, and don’t tell the boss we traded!”

Gripping the filled lists like a lifeline Lalna grinned back, “Don’t worry, I know how much of a stick in the mud he can be!” A nod of parting and Sjin exited the room, leaving Lalna to praise his opportunity to have such a trusting and gullible friend.

Out of courtesy, Lalna waited an entire minute before ripping through the documents. Pulling panicked energy from the last of his body’s reserves. Each bolded separating lines on the papers, the patchy blue ink that swirled its cursive writing, every detail stood out as Lalna’s mind whirled, searching for something he prayed wasn’t there.

Page after page he flung them to the other side of the counter, the importance of each sheet vanishing instantly as it did not contain what he hunted for. Dragging his finger down each column, sliding over each street name and vague facts for suppliers to know all slipped under Lalna’s touch, until he couldn’t move from the captured spot.

“Mage…” Lalna’s breath was sour as he read out the name. A sealing identification that was once painted all over case files he had destroyed long ago. The word was disappointedly not alone either, positioned neatly next to random street names, all labeling the given route. Lalna could already list them by heart without the paper, but seeing their permanent printed space twisted his stomach.

A glance over his shoulder was all it took before Lalna’s strength mounted, ripping the page from the rest and folding it as fast as his trembling fingers could. Stuffing it into his shirt without another thought Lalna could feel the sudden rush catch up to him, his drowsy state rejecting the feeling.

Lalna couldn’t care that one page out of the already counted fifteen would be missing, already dreaming up plans to replace it with something else, fool his colleague into thinking he couldn’t count. At that moment, Lalna could only find the power to keep his feet on the ground.

Nails scratched at his arms, his consciousness screaming at him but he had to ignore it. Shuffling the strewn about papers back together Lalna knew he had to play pretend again. Finish the work and go home like there were absolutely no worming thoughts belittling him. He had to ignore it, least he be reminded of his current wrongs, and every word he wanted to forget.

Though his trouble was, he was never good and doing what he should.

~

The surprise of his key still working hit Lalna harder than he thought it would. Connecting his actions one after the other to stream calmly was painful. His nerves buzzed, scenarios whipping around in his head. He didn’t know how to approach any of the thought up scenes, coming up empty for possible answers.

It was close to it all being natural again, gently placing his shoes beside the darkened leather boots as he caught a whiff of the familiar smell of the apartment. Every wall and object was picture perfect to his memory of it, filling his chest with a peculiar trickle of composure. Lalna could feel his mind scold him as a fleeting surge compared everything to the sensation of coming home.

Quiet air floated through the rooms, breathing like there was no living being in the space. The curtains had been closed, disallowing sunlight and letting blubs under glass casings allow for effective vision. Each and every light, room light and lamp, every single bulb was blazing, striking Lalna deep in his eyes as he held himself back from switching each one off; deciding they must had a purpose for the occupant.

Around just one corner and Lalna’s ready to spew sigh rumbled back into his lungs. The TV was silent, playing a film that jumped quickly between scenes, reeking of jumbled educational facts. The single viewer, back strictly straight in the living room armchair, fabricated the appearance of being engrossed with the flickering screen.

Stepping up to the chair Lalna knew he had been detected since he entered the apartment, even if the other man’s eyes refused to meet him. Instincts flooded Lalna’s blood, letting his hand drift to a sharp shoulder before he could even think.

He should have expected the body to pull away, refusing more than just optical acknowledgment. “You are not allowed to touch me.” The tone may have been emotionless and filled with broken notes, but it brought Lalna to his knees. He wasn’t quite sure how loud the impact was on the hardwood flooring, but could feel his head drop as he still failed to bring the man to react. 

The paper still tucked into his shirt crumpled against his skin, making him almost wish it could gouge him so he could feel a sliver of remorse for the deed that forced him to keep it. “Rythian,” Lalna could feel his use of the name resurrect on his tongue, “I don’t even know how I can ever properly apologize for what I did.”

Lalna knew he shouldn’t have risked a look up, but he couldn’t restrain himself, aching to see any sort of twitch. Watching the stoic face, chin leveled and staring away, Lalna could feel his tongue trip out his next words: “I’m so sorry Rythian. I want to ask you to forgive me, but-but-”

His stressed hands dug into his hair, “I shouldn’t be here! I should have just left you alone! I should have, I should have, but I couldn’t!” Lalna did nothing to stop himself from letting his head hit the knee in front of him. He rolled his forehead back and forth on the rounded bone, whimpering and struggling to hold anything back.

“I couldn’t stop and the fucking cravings… fuck, I’m so sorry.” He knew he was snivelling at Rythian’s feet, but his body screamed for everything he could supply. Lalna wanted to feel disgusted with himself, but the drugs were constantly eating away at him. Even as he wanted to repair the bridge he had almost destroyed, he needed another dose soon. “This withdrawal is worse than I imagined and I should have been grateful for what you did give me. I’m so sorry.”

Fingers that weren’t his dove into the blonde hair, gradually sifting through the unwashed locks. “Why didn’t you go to a different dealer?” The ghosting digits were as weightless as the voice, hardly there at all.

Lalna held still, a breath hovering in his mouth, afraid any movement would scare away the touch. “I couldn’t just go to anyone…” Pressing his body closer, he could feel the bony legs hard against his chest.

“You should have, I told you going cold turkey can be dangerous.” The fingers didn’t stop, not wanting the gesture to be calming or spiteful, merely acting out a motion.

“Rythian, please!” Lalna scrunched his face, compressing his cheek into the man’s knee, “Don’t treat this so casually!” Even as his body continued to boil and his skin bothered him like something was skittering inside of him, Lalna knew he had to restore what he had broken first. “I attacked you, insulted you and you’re acting like it’s no big deal!”

The shrug could be felt through Rythian’s entire body; the lift of his shoulders raised his height another inch. “I’ve had worse.”

Lalna couldn’t discern whether the feeling Rythian created in him with his casual words was a sting of insult or shock. “No Rythian you can’t say that!” His desperate hands gripped into the dark jeans in front of him, “Just because you’ve had worse doesn’t make what I did any less wrong! I-”

He knew he shouldn’t have looked up. He should have kept his head down. The reality was too heavy for his crumbling mind to handle. His body reeled back in numbness with eyes wide as his jaw trembled. 

A smile, stained with unrelenting tears was what Rythian wore on his face. A small bend of his lips, sitting between each trailing watermark, like neither knew the other was happening. The gentle, vulnerable acts, both brought no words other than giving their presence.

Lalna didn’t know his shaking legs could support him when he stood or how much deeper his nails were going to puncture into his neck. He wanted to take the lifeless hands and make promises but as his body slammed into the other man’s, he knew he wouldn’t be able to speak any of them.

His legs fit too perfectly in Rythian’s lap, sinking in with the memory of touch. Head to the warm shoulders and Lalna was gone; blubbering half pronounced words and apologises mixed with pleas. He almost couldn’t hold his being from dissolving as arms wrapped around his back, a comfort he nearly couldn’t recall.

“I was thinking, about what you said.” Rythian’s words marched out, not even on the spectrum of sound for a man with tears on his lips. “How I have a sad and lonely life.”

Lalna’s head burned into the dusky skin at Rythian’s neck, shaking his head to mumble out disagreements. “Rythian no, don’t say that.” Holding his hands tighter to the prominent ribcage, he felt the arms around his do the same. “Don’t think that, don’t, please…”

“I thought I was above all of this. The business of this, but it seems I’m just as desperate.” Warm tears collected in the messy blonde hair, filtering through slowly to end on the soft skin.

“No, Rythian no.” Lalna couldn’t match the shake of his head to the speed of his heart. The bright apartment lights all still on, shinning into the skin his eyes were bond to. “Rythian-” The choke on his own saliva, it came quicker than he had time to fight it off. His body shook, feeling the arms come tighter around him, trying to keep every bit of him still. “Please,” Lalna didn’t want to beg, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Please Rythian. Please…”

A hum was his answer at first, before the palms rubbed unfinished circles on his back. Each gentle rotation hushed another broken word, letting them settle back in Lalna’s throat. The pleading head’s breathing grew weaker, slurring words without stopping, even as their lips pressed on the adjacent chin.

“It’ll be okay Lalna. Let me get you something… I’ll make you feel better.”


	6. Crash

Weight hung in the air, under his eyes and clinging to his arms. Weightless pressure, and yet everything that swirled around in his mind pushed him down every time he tried to think of something lighter and brighter in his coal stained train of thoughts. All that could lift him from the pressure of his own words was lost, just like the key that meant to make a home in his pocket.

Though the hand that floated in his vision could initially be labeled as a glimmer of assistance, only shivers spun into existence as memories bloomed along with his skin, recalling how hard the fingers had curled into him. He blinked his eyes, letting the memories of pain fly out the windows of his soul. Grabbing the spare key with no verbal response, he wished he could shout at the steaming engine in his mind. To slow his heart that fed on the fuel it was given, shovelful after shovelful.

With a push of the borrowed key into the ungreased lock, Rythian tried to force the thoughts to the back of his mind and seal them away as his boot came into contact with the front door. He couldn’t understand his need to focus on the mud scuff he left behind, but something solitary as the semi-permanent mark brought him a relatable comfort.

The rustling noise of plastic bags brought him back to the reality in front of him. Alien words uttered off to his side triggered his line of sight, the corner of his vision catching the blonde hair. Rythian shifted his feet, letting the body pass as the words asked, feeling shoulders bump his arm all by mistake.

Air felt visible and dirty, stained with regrets. Rythian deemed his eyes traitorous, unable to look around his own apartment without recollections of moments and actions stuck in time. All playing out as if he experienced them like a fly on the wall, when he more vividly remembered them as a co-starring player.

Finalized sounds clattered from his kitchen, everything starting without the heavy bags that stretched in his grip as a film in the back of his mind gave a recap of the day’s earlier events. Morning, misspelled incoming texts and groceries. Average actions churned surrealism encompassing his day, none of it felt real.

The silence he stepped into as he placed his bags on the kitchen counter was becoming too customary. Even with an accompanying person in the same walls, it was quieter than on his own. Rythian could feel a sigh lift up his chest, but nerves only pushed it back down to curl around his twisting stomach. Hands reached around him to the plastic bags, pulling out fresh produce his fridge was gradually becoming accustomed to.

Rythian’s neck cracked as a result of his glance over his shoulder, giving his secret away as he let it bubble into a full piercing stare. Lalna’s eyes were clouded over, milky vision concentrating on the pieces he pulled from the bags, turning each over in his hands as they adapted to the change of weight. Everything on the surface was like newsprint, of stark contrasting obvious whites and blacks, no life beyond frivolous words.

Notes from an accustomed theme song sprang up: a tune predictable and tasteless as the show it was pulled from. Even with the set vibration moving the phone indolently across the countertop, the simple lyrics and background siren still blared high drilling pitches.

Waiting on it, keeping his eyes stuck to the noisy piece of tech, Rythian’s pre-prepared sigh became the tail end of the song knowing it would run out instead of being answered. The empty plastic bag in front of him became his target of frustrations, snatching the crinkling material unnecessarily fast. His fingers struggled to come together naturally as the plastic in his palm squeezed its size to conform to the force.

“You’re going to have to answer it one day.” The release of words calmed the stressing action in his hand, letting the bag expand. “You can’t just keep ignoring it. They’re wondering where you are, what you’ve been doing…” Syllables fell as Rythian tried to wholly address the subject of his words.

Lalna’s back was facing him. His hands had halted their unpacking since the first note played from his phone. The tips of his fingers stood on point against his belt, leaving him in a disdainful incomplete stance.

Straightening out his back with a stale inhale Rythian turned his hips to give his full assertion. “You can’t keep this up. They’ll come looking for you.”

A Chuckle, spewed before enough incubation, trickled over Lalna’s lips. He let his arms fall without much instruction as they found a low hanging position with his slumped shoulders. “I don’t need them…”

Rythian’s head dropped with his chin, wishing he could retract the sound from his ears, hearing those exact words past the count of simple two digits. Air stirred again as Lalna picked up where he had paused with the groceries, like his answer never came into existence.

Both hands into a gradually deflating bag and Lalna pulled out a damp tub, matching his patched smile, “Look, I remembered to get the sweet caramel ice cream! We could have it with some of the fruit we got!” His quick turn to present the ice cream looked as if it would tear him from the seams. The quiver in his hands as he held it higher gave away how fragile everything was.

“You love this kind, right?” The risk he took to extend his lips wider along his face reopened a crack in his worry bitten lips. Cold residue from the outside of the container slipped down his forearm, trembling along with the rest of Lalna’s body. “Or… no…” The container changed altitudes, falling lower out of sight, “No, no. That’s not right, you wanted salted, not sweet. You don’t like this one… you hate it.”

The ice cream tub collided with the ground as Lalna’s hands immediately withdrew, like the touch had become toxic. His wet fingers found the side of his face, holding himself together, staring at the fallen container as if its presence offended him.

Stepping forward Rythian joined in at watching the thawing ice cream. He wanted to wait for a reason, an explanation for the rash action, but couldn’t hold his tongue. “Lalna,” Sticking a foot out Rythian nudged the container away, only fully satisfied with his action when he could hear it clang into the bottom of the fridge. “You can’t keep avoiding it. You’re going to have to face them.”

Lalna’s hands pressed deeper into his cheek as the muscles in his arms tensed under the strain. “But…” Dragging his sight from the floor and up Rythian’s body, something still held him back from setting his eyes to reflect the man’s. “I need to make it up to you. I can’t face them until I’ve made it up to you.”

Crossed arms steadied at Rythian’s chest, but cutting the conversation off was far from his intentions. “You’re going about it in entirely the wrong way.” His head shook slow, each side to side deliberate as he thought over his own words.

“Then tell me!” The tones of Lalna’s voice exploded into the air, springing his hands out with the force his entire body expelled, “Tell me what to do!” His entirety fell to each borderline; His blinking eyes barely masked his surging emotions, his hands thrashed to form any familiar nature, while the shape of his lips couldn’t agree to form.

Staying his ground, refusing to let the erratic actions dissuade him, Rythian took another step. “Tell you what to do, I’ll tell you...” Words rumbled past his teeth, asserting strength in sound. “Stop this walking on eggshells attitude!” The turn of his head, Rythian could feel an instinctive spit well in his mouth as he wanted to release the thought, “Not going to work, hardly leaving your house unless it’s to come to here…”

Tension left his arms in a long flush of air through his lungs. Even with all his venom, Rythian could hardly keep his confrontational words firing at a man breaking down in front of him. “Lalna,” The name puffed like bitter dust, “You’re destroying yourself.”

The shiver that rippled under Lalna’s skin broke his breath. Every ounce of him didn’t fit as he choked to find words, his knees unsetting and clicking again into place, as his head turned with the surge of incapability. “But…” The ache of his bones drifted away with the hang his body took, energy fizzling out after the expended burst. “I don’t want to make you cry again…”

Sun filtered through cracks in dusty blinds, extending reaches and warmth, straining but failing to reach the bodies that needed it most. Rythian detested the illumination that allowed him to pick up the broken expression across from him. Pure defeat, like another gulp of air would knock him flat, he didn’t want to see it so closely.

A gamble of contact, wishing his odds would let him stop, he reached out. Everything about the man in front of him continue to deflate, like his hair was losing volume, and his body was shirking. Rythian pleaded with his instincts to flare up so he could snap back, to feel nothing but the acrimony that used to taste so familiar and fine. He wanted to smear Lalna with every letter of the word pathetic and send him off. The weakness he spilled so easily, Rythian wished he could laugh at it, all like he used to.

In its place, he chose to breathe as the head hit his chest. Every part fell to the perfect fit against his body as Rythian cursed himself how comfortably he sank into it. His wide palms ran down the unwashed blonde hair, quieting hiccups as he felt Lalna inhale. Rythian closed his eyes, and strained not to think about how he smelt and how any part of him could be classified as soothing, but the turn from the head in his chest convinced him otherwise.

“I’ll go to work tomorrow.” The words sparked a whiff of composure to slide down Rythian’s throat. Even as the hands gripped into any shape on his back, he held to the relief purely for the luxury. “And I’ll answer my phone next time it rings.”

A promise, though it lacked a cementing fact, it fell in the shadow of another regrouping of fingers at the base of Rythian’s neck. “I like that the curtains are open…” Eyes drenched in the sunshine that continued to creep, outlined the old curtains and dented blinds mixture. Rythian couldn’t recall why he chose to pull open both window coverings, to shake the dust from the room, or dissolve the stagnate take of the day.

“Can you feel the sun Rythian?” Simple tones were lost in the shirt Lalna pressed his mouth to. Stale depleting smells of cheap laundry detergent snared his nose first before he could take in anything more to lull him. “Somehow… you’re still warmer than it.”

Lips dipped into his hair, softer than he imagined. The press, his face stung as he clenched his jaw, fighting away the thought that it could possibly be forgiving. Lalna had almost forgotten, as he let every stress slip away for the splitting second, how weightless he could be.

“Lalna please…” The croak in the back of Rythian’s throat kept quiet even as he resurfaced back to stare at the gray colours of the kitchen. “Please tell me,” Sound caught between his teeth with the tense of his chest, unable to admit the capitulation, “That this isn’t for the drugs.”

Cool gentleness, spread under Rythian’s chin. Fingers pressed into his skin, angling his sight the small incline down, to the face he wished wasn’t smiling, so he wouldn’t have mirrored it back.

“This… isn’t for the drugs.”

Rising up to meet, a fleeting kiss connected them, trailing it, others just as clumsy soon followed. An arm slung over Rythian’s shoulder, and the transitory grazes of lips increased in desperation.

Back to the counter and a laugh pushed past Lalna’s lips. Hands clutched into the fabric of his shirt, the stretch of the material pulled in that which it held. Hips pinned him still, digging deep, anchoring all that threatened to float away. Each breath passed earlier than seconds, drifting on a swing, each reaching further or closer than before, scratching his ears.

Clamouring all for more, never gaining enough, bodies collided together to tumble to the walls which shaped their path. A doorknob planted firm into the drywall, and stumbling feet to the disordered bed. Lalna’s arms slipped between the crucial beat of his heart, stalling in stolen air as gravity demanded him.

Down, and then up again, Lalna’s eyes watched the ceiling as if it swirled in the moment with him. Lips at his neck, and a drawn out sigh slipped through his nose, freeing tension to keep his mind from igniting. Strength slipped into his bones, each kiss brought it all back. Sealing in the holes that had hollowed out his body. Wholeness, he could feel the ease return, almost to his full capacity.

Toes curled at the sight of eyes that swayed in the sun. Rythian couldn’t hold their gaze still, the warmth of serenity encouraging their action. Hands vainly grasped for the shining light that encased the smooth blonde hair. A kiss to allay the exhilaration, allowing the slowing moment to be taken in, and expressions mirrored once more.

A lost strand of hair, hooked up and caught under a nail, swept back with the others behind a pale ear. Whether everything halted for air, or the solemn appreciation, Rythian couldn’t decipher which, but eddying whispers came before his decision.

“I can feel the sun…” The words between his lips, he watched them hit the face below. Gleaming skin in the light that wafted down, struggling to come between the balanced noses, everything glowed in his sight. A gentle hand, brushing against a blushing cheek, and Rythian’s fingers committed each inch of skin to memory. Hushing the pounding in his chest with a long, delicate kiss, Rythian echoed himself. “I can feel the sun, Lalna.”

Lips together and the new kiss formed faster than those before. Both sides pleaded to be closer even as skin already burned as one. Sound struggled to break through as the mouth in front swallowed all it was offered.

Lalna’s hum filtered around his lungs, indulgence and security filling him, inflating his mind back to the state where clear thoughts could form. Warmth, relief, all returned in impulsive waves, owing to hands and lips. Layering in droves, minus one, flesh deep, itch.

“Rythian,” The name resurfaced him, with dilated pupils that struck even harder into Lalna’s memory. “I need it…” One tilt of Rythian’s head, to then the other side, spawning a measured devilish grin. “I need a dose.”

It took no time in the moment for the expression to dissolve, like it never existed on the worn down face. An understanding was reached as the other discarded the blonde, the gentle touch left as the rarity it was. The beating of his heart rang on its own, alone and growing fainter.

Biting his tongue, Lalna sat up. Eye contact turned scarce, he couldn’t meet it and nor did it wish to find him. Supplies dropped to his side and he could feel remorse dissolve him. A wish to laugh it off and call it a bluff stuck in his throat. One hole in each of his hallows, had yet to be filled.

The vile first, then the needle. Fingers twitched their dance, slapping the bend of his arm in blurred panic and anticipation. Seconds adding to the pile only built onto his eagerness. It fell off his radar, as touch formed on his back. The expectancy of Rythian to have left, gone for a cigarette or time alone to scream, the head on his shoulders did not match the usual.

Gushing rapture entered his veins, the final fleeting band-aid.

Arms wrapped around at his shoulders as relaxation came natural, leaning far back as much as the body behind would allow. Sound mumbled against his skin, inaudible and dwindling. They formed for a second time, cracking apart from broken emotions.

“It’s not for the drugs…”

Lalna didn’t notice the water that soaked into his shirt.


	7. Withdrawal

Exhausted, dehydrated and yet he could not fall asleep. Every span of Rythian’s skin buzzed from the feeling, as if his breathing was a strain and it would be easier to just stop. Dry lips and dry mouth, with the lingering sensation given by powdered sugar. No matter how hard the back of his hand pressed to his mouth, he couldn’t wipe away the taste of the second hand doughnut.

His hand settled on his brow, testing the temperature of his body. Clammy and warm, the feeling made him itch, wanting to shed off his skin to forget the awareness. Dim outside light made it impossible to overlook where he was, and how the room laid. The digital alarm clock bled red numbers into the incomplete dark, pressing an imprint in Rythian’s mind, all reminding of the limbo hours of the night.

The bedsprings groaned as he swung his legs over the side. Fingers on his knees drummed with impatience, waiting for the rest of his body to catch up. His head spun, room temperature air felt too heavy. The stale smell of sweat was bitter on his tongue, lingering its taste to cause more discomfort.

Springs groaned once again, a rolling weight fell into Rythian’s once occupied space. Rythian’s body stiffened as a bare leg drug along his hip, soft warm skin taking additional seconds to pull back. A sigh wasn’t enough to shake away the sensation, legs not having any direction other than to release and sink like a rock to the floor.

Rythian slipped on the muted carpet, catching a stance with dwindling willpower. His clothes on the chair hung as lifeless as his hair. Rythian couldn’t stomach the thought of standing bare and undecorated by a single piece any second longer, vulnerable and weak as his head continued to spin. Grabbing groggily at his previous day outfit, Rythian ignored the sounds from his bed a second time.

Jeans slipped into, shirt halfway through, and another sound interrupted him. Final arm through the sleeve and Rythian turned around. His stomach churned, the taste of acidic fluid far too close to a reality. His head throbbed as it cycled through the facts before him, only a quick hand to the fallen blanket could repress the symptoms.

Hand held high, ready to drop the fabric, but the back of his thoughts paused him. Rythian hated how his breathing stuttered, a repeated reaction as he gazed down at the man sleeping on his bed. Lalna had already rolled over to his side of the bed, rubbing his head into the pillow, shivering from the displaced body heat. Too much skin highlighted by the dim streetlights from outside, it tried to lure him in again.

A flick of the wrist, and the blanket drifted down to the bed. Rythian rejected the pull, refused to let the naked body mean something to him, yet he couldn’t convince himself that adjusting the blanket was to fully cover the impulse, he knew too deeply it was to stop the man’s shivering.

Eye stills struggling to adjust to the hazy lighting, Rythian lumbered across the floor. His shoulders bounced against the flimsy frame of the door, drifting still without his balance. The ball of metal dug into his palm, a misshapen doorknob, creating more than wanted a struggle to close.

Giving up on shutting the bedroom door fully, the way continued to be dotted with obstacles. Rythian’s toes skidded with the poorly gripped hallway rug, seamlessly leading him to a forlorn take out container that tumbled away from its spot on the coffee table. His fingers cracked as he reached down to pick up the box that still had noodles stuck to its insides, but it didn’t reach the trashcan, only back to where it had been left before, next to the pack of cigarettes which had more interaction.

A tap of the box’s corner on the table and cigarettes piled out on the dark tarnished wood. One was plucked from the rest, a lighter from Rythian’s pocket to pair, and everything else became distant. A stack of movies, fell to rest by the gentle tip they were given from Rythian’s leg, their last moment to catch streetlamp light by their plastic covering. Then their light had left, filtering through Rythian’s eyes. His crooked bend forward to the chipped window sill placed his elbows to a familiar location, next to the astray, just enough distance before the faded window screen.

Instincts lit the end of the cigarette, smoldering embers drew his attention to trail ghosts of the smoke to follow. Flowing from his lips, diving through the screen and stolen by the winds of the night. A cigarette for after, Rythian cringed at the formulaic thought. All he craved was another lungful, yet driving his mind to that only thought proved impossible as his pocket buzzed.

Rythian cursed as he reached for his phone, the unavoidable call of work. He had no need to check the name or number, only to swipe his thumb across the abundantly smudged screen. A breath from the crisp night air, and he waited on the phlegm cracked voice.

“You need to pay a visit.” The voice was not alone, intrusive noise from a shoddily wired stereo system distorted the sound. Without waiting for the next command, Rythian hit the volume button, saving himself from another inconsiderate deafening. “And that visit, needs to be now.”

Cigarette to his lips dragged on the silence between Rythian’s reply. “Fuck off.” Embers hot to his skin, he flicked away ash and adjusted his fingers.

It was barely recognizable above the loud distortion it created, but with more weighed silence, Rythian placed movie title to sound. His supplier watching more constant streams of trash action movies.

Skewed disappointed stuck out from the reverberating sigh. “You’re always a fighter, aren’t ya Rythian? Never learn your lessons, do ya?” Words dug harsh with each inflection, displeasure mounting through audio.

Squashing his burned out cigarette into the wood of the window sill, Rythian reached to the pack again. His nerves demanded a second. “I said, fuck off.” Through struggle, he managed to hide the uneasiness of his voice.

A scoff, and a repulsive uneven snort, it brought with it a misplaced calmness. “Ah, you’re right. Don’t mind, don’t mind. Excuse the rudeness.” A short laugh, at his own actions or a brief thought, the answer was muffled beneath. “You can’t come over because, you must have company.”

How dead on the statement was hit a sharp pain at Rythian’s chest. He shook himself to discard his tense breathing, he could not afford to allow an upper hand. “Yeah, it’s company.”

A sickly delighted chuckle, pleased he got it first guess. “I wonder, who would be visiting such a stubborn mule as yourself?” A broken hum, like he was actually putting effort into his thinking. “And who, oh who, would be staying the night with you?”

“It doesn’t concern you.” Rythian barked back on instinct. He needed the questioning to end as soon as it started.

“Oh, I think it concerns me…” The background television lowered in volume, raising the alarming sense of danger. “I concerns me greatly when it has to do with your bad habit, Rythian.”

Long breaths, slipping through the opened window, and Rythian craved to escape with the smoke. His hands shook, unable to steadily bring the only thing keeping him together back to his mouth. “What bad habits? I have none! I get the job done, what else do you want?” Fear crept through his teeth, pushing down his throat to fill his lungs.

“Rythian, let’s talk about your bad habit.”

Spitting out the figurative black bile as the distress mounted, Rythian could only shout into the end of the phone. “There’s nothing to talk about!”

“You do understand what kind of business we run, right?” The condescending tone ran bitter chills down Rythian’s bones. A click of tongue framed pretend care, “And yet you’re toying with danger, aren’t you?”

Rythian’s heart beat rang against his skull, barely held in by his ears. Each rhetorical question made the accusation connect, the hinting forming into a bright lighted sign. The fear, became incoming dread. “I haven’t done anything!” A last ditch attempt, holding to his mind, and the cigarette in his fingers.

“Really Rythian,” The roll of his name, ugly and imbalanced. “Your little bad habit, seems to be the exact company you keep.” A huff out his nose, as if scolding a child. “I now I’ve said fuck the police, but I never knew you’d take it so literally.”

Crushing under his fist, Rythian eagerly welcomed the dull stump of a cigarette to burn his skin. Something to match how horrifically his stomach threatened to burst under the pressure. It was nearly audible how pleased the man was on the other end. Confident, and ready to boast from the achievement, it could all be known as the television’s volume returned.

“You better come pay me a visit. We have very important things to discuss.”

The line screamed silence, an automated operator came to replace, but only after the fifth repetition did it sink in. No one, was to ever know his secret. The one that slept in his bed and did so liberally. It was all to be kept a secret, no one was to know about Lalna, that’s how Rythian wished it to be, but now the subject was wide open. What served as the tip off Rythian wished to know, but the only importance, was his supplier's knowledge of it.

There wasn’t a curse strong enough in Rythian’s vocabulary to match his terror. Not even a cigarette left for the road. He forced his feet to the sobering direction. To his coat, out the door, down the stairs. Lingering feelings of the sickly warmth of his bed hung with him. In the moment, he gave another wish that he never left it, and answered the call. Time would drag before he could crawl back to its childish safety. A place he could return to before the night was over. Something he could fall into, before morning, for recovery.


End file.
